October 31, 2008

Still Costume-less? Baseball’s Got You Covered

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After a year of waiting (im)patiently, this day has finally come … IT’S HALLOWEEN!
As some of you faithful readers may remember, last Halloween I wrote a column with costume suggestions based on the NBA’s most intriguing characters. Now maybe I didn’t get my fill of baseball because I saw almost none of the postseason (I just died a little inside when I wrote that) or maybe it’s just that the weather conspired to keep baseball around longer for the express purpose of interfering with basketball season, but I’m not ready to say good bye and move on so quickly this year.
For those of you who are stuck and still need a costume idea for the weekend, look no further than the national pastime — a sport which represents all that is good and evil in our world. Perfect … That’s also the definition of Halloween in Ithaca.
The Good:
-In honor of the Philadelphia Phillies — as well as all the downtrodden teams who may one day rise again from the ashes like both of this year’s Fall Classic competitor — Rocky (and the optional Adrian if you’re looking for a couple’s option) is the perfect choice for Halloween this year. You’ll be comfortable in those gloves and robe, and there’s the added bonus that it gives you an excuse to be belligerent.
-And speaking of belligerence, it was actually Philly’s opponent in the World Series that showed the most fight this season (both figuratively and literally, starting with those brawls in the preseason).
With the disclaimer that I am a forever-long fan of the Yankees, the Tampa Bay Rays really did impress us all in 2008. Though they couldn’t pull out the big kahuna, they definitely deserve some recognition on this most festive of occasions.
Now, there are two ways you can go with this …
1. Dress like a particular person, the most obvious to me being rookie third baseman Evan Longoria. (The couple’s costume option is just too obvious — have your significant other dress as Eva Longoria … It’s a match made in Heaven.)
2. Be a Ray! But don’t just be any old marine creature with a stinger — be a DEVIL ray. Stinger and horns. This works for either gender and lends itself to some creativity by the wearer in terms of materials and level of sex appeal.
Just be sure to commit to the costume. Otherwise, you’ll just look like you’re drowning.
The Bad:
-Though many athletes show up on the public’s radar screen as troublesome characters, only one baseball player has been truly naughty this year (at least as far as the public knows). Oh Alex Rodriguez, it’s not enough to disappoint the fans with your complete lack of hitting in clutch situations, now you add insult to injury by having an affair with Madonna?
Resulting 2008 Halloween costume: baseball jersey and tight pants for A-Rod/ bright blonde hair and spandex for the soon-to-be-former Mrs. Ritchie.
And this is the perfect costume for a couple, because each person can also go their own way and the costume is still recognizable. They’re both superstars, after all, but it’s Halloween magic when you put the two together. Scandalous!
-Jose Canseco, the steroid king himself, was charged in federal court about two weeks ago with a misdemeanor from trying to bring a “fertility drug” across the Mexican border
Of course, this costume may be kind of hard to pull off if you don’t pump serious iron or ’roid it up already. So the key to this getup is in what you say, not how you look. It’ll be a dead giveaway as soon as you start blackmailing your friends throughout Collegetown with threats to expose their experiences with “illegal substances.”
His hearing is scheduled for Nov. 4. Even though he has done so many idiotic things recently he could almost be a United States congressman, I still feel bad for the guy. Have some pity on the poor, friendless man, and give him one last turn in the spotlight before he has to start peddling his stories in jail or on Off-Off-Broadway. Now that would be truly horrifying.
The Ugly:
Manny Ramirez gives nightmares to small children … and me.
Make it work.
Happy Hauntings!