Female student discussing politics with friends: I’m going to vote for Bob Barr.
Confused female friend: The elephant?!
Girl: He lives in my building, and I just want to screw him for God’s sake!
Other girl: OMG He lives in your building. That’s like God’s way of telling you to have a friends-with-benefits relationship!
— Outside Olin
Drunk Girl on Halloween: Look, he has antlers on his head! … Oh, they’re feathers! … Oh, it’s a girl.
— West Campus
Noyes Hot Dog Guy: All I do is wiggle this thing around?
Angry pre-med: You’re not coming to chem section?! I’m going to punish you later …
Badass pre-med: Hah, you don’t know my history with that …
Angry pre-med: With being punished? Are we talkin’ kinky here?!
Badass pre-med: Let’s just say Marc Jacobs owes me money for how many times I used his scarves to tie someone to the bedpost.
Senior Dude: Do I have to take a test to go to grad school?
Sorority Girl: No that’s law school.
Philanthropist: No really guys, I’ve been trying really hard to give back to the community lately. I’ve been eating those breast cancer cookies!
(In line at the grocery store)
Self-assured man on bluetooth phone: There’s no such thing as a good looking guy under 5’5”. (Five minutes later) Sean Connery is the only attractive 70-year-old in my opinion.
Confused Dude: Wait, is it illegal to have a dildo strapped to a helmet [in public]?
Even More Confused Dude: Sure, it’s like having one of those hats with fruit on it.
— North Campus
(At 3 a.m., after Obama’s acceptance speech.)
Po: People, we know you are excited and appreciate your celebrating — believe me, we’ll be celebrating as soon as we get off work — but you have to keep the noise down because the neighbors are complaining and we really don’t want to have to issue noise violations tonight. GO HOME.
— College Ave.
Submit your eavesdroppings to firstname.lastname@example.org