Uncle Ezra Goes for a Jog

I’m sure my loyal fans have started to notice the gradual shortening of my lovely bi-weekly columns. And for my next trick, I will make this column disappear!
But today I have a message of hope to my loyal fans — I flatly refuse to allow my column be choked out. No, I will continue to write meandering, sometimes funny, always ridiculous streams of consciousness until Editor in Chief Emily Cohn ’10 (who is required to read my column, ha! Did someone say No. 1 fan?) pries the keyboard from my spastic, over-caffeinated fingers … lagging ad sales be damned!
On that note, I did have something I wanted to write about today with my remaining 300 words. Thanks to everyone who is still reading at this point, by the way. Ten points.
No, I thought today I would give a shout-out to some of the more “casual athletes” Cornell harbors. Now, if you guessed I was talking about, say, the gymnastics team, you’d be dead wrong. Gymnastics is the bomb right now, yo! I mean, they seriously rocked the finals last weekend.
No, no, I’m talking about everyone who works out in the fitness centers on campus. I don’t know if you know it, but I’m a pretty big fan of Cornell Fitness Centers.
[Editors note: In the interest of full disclosure, Meredith works for CFC. But we’re sure that won’t bias any of her opinions …]
Here’s why I think the gyms are so great, though. Hear me out.
In this age of budget cuts, it has become painfully clear that our school’s motto, which preaches equality in the extreme, is losing its luster.
But the moment you walk though a fitness center door, you enter a different world, one of equality and idyllic optimism, one where your first marathon is always just around the corner … or perhaps not. It doesn’t matter, no one’s going to judge you here. In this world, students lift weights side by side with professors, MBA candidates sweat side by side with faculty members. Ah, fitness paradise.
So here’s to Cornell’s casual athletes, its speedwalker champions, elliptical warriors and lords of the Olympic lift platform. Here’s to life, liberty and the pursuit of athleticism!
Hey Ezra, you’ve been sitting for a long while — you’re looking a little flabby. Maybe it’s time you got off your chair and went for a nice little jog yourself, or better yet, took a stationary bike out for a spin.
We may not be able to study just anything anymore, but last time I checked, those free weights were still open to all.