April 28, 2009

Final Fashionable Goodbye

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Two and a half years ago I was e-mailed asking if I wanted to write a fashion column for The Sun. After confirming that this was not, in fact, a joke — let me just say that I was incredibly flattered and excited. Visual aid for my reaction to the news; the moment when Kim MacAfee was chosen to kiss rock star Conrad Byrdie before he went off to war. If you didn’t have two sisters with “special” movie tastes growing up — that was from the 1963 film Bye Bye Birdie. For those of you who missed that classic film — think Cher, D and Murray “on the freeway,” but in a good way.
So when Sammy Perlmutter (current Sun Associate Editor, former Sun Arts Editor) asked me for a writing sample (you might know him for his bold and excellent choice of blue eye glasses), I put all of my reservations aside (literally, I was supposed to go out to dinner that night) and let the blabber flow as I went on and on about leggings. And so I became the new fashion columnist for our beloved paper, The Sun.
Since then, I have channeled my inner Tyra Banks and written weekly tirades in an effort to guide us against first time or repeated mistakes in our attire. But as last words often do, I’d like mine to include a quick apology — if you ever thought that any of my Bias Cut attacks were personal, please know that there is a 70% chance that I did not intend to single you out. And even if you were part of the other 30%, I was still only trying to help and certainly never meant to hurt anyone or make you cry. (Yes, someone did cry and no, that was not satisfying.) Also, for the mistakes you made (and for those that, as humans, you will inevitably make again on occasion) — one other bit of redemption: I forgive you.
And now (can you hear the Oscar music trying to drown me out?), for the thank yous. I’m not going to pull a Kathy Griffith and tell Jesus to do something dirty, or thank all you for voting for me, but I would like to say thank you for listening. I am sure there are times when my advice and criticism was not wanted (particularly obvious when half of you still sported Uggs all winter), but you read anyway. You survived my many references to Clueless, The Office, Gossip Girl, Just Friends and so many others — and you have yet to send me hate mail. Well, besides that bad blog review … but that bruise to my ego healed and resulted in a new friend.
Also, a special “check plus” thank you to those of you who listened and learned. I know there are many of you, I have watched plenty of you grow to near-NY Times Sunday Styles caliber. I also can remember this year when a saw big DG on the side of someone’s shades and regularly couldn’t count on more than one hand the amount of Vera Bradley items I saw a day. HUGE IMPROVEMENT.
Although it’s tempting to sit here and cry about how much I’m going to miss you, I’m going to have to hold back. My dry skin can’t handle the tears right now. So thank you: to all the drunken passerbyes who singled me out and said, “Hey, aren’t you the Bias Cut guy?” You made me feel like Bridget Jones’s favorite gay friend / ’80s icon who always felt the rush of fame and recognition when a stranger approached.
So thank you again for listening and allowing me to turn Bias Cut into my personal space to vent about the Cornell fashion mishaps. I wish you luck, fortune, health and Lora Piana quality cashmere.