As everyone is surely aware, the Cornell community will be celebrating Slope Day this Friday. The Slope Day Programming Board would like to wish all of you a fun and safe Slope Day and leave you with some advice:
When we come to Cornell we hear a great deal of lore,
Of courses, of parties and oh so much more.
Among all of these stories, one stands alone,
That one is Slope Day, king on a throne.
As all of our classes come to close,
Our collective love for this school most surely grows.
It’s all about hanging out with your pals,
All of the coolest Cornell guys and gals.
There’s no other day where we all get together,
Frolicking happily like birds of a feather.
So get to the Slope where fun will be had,
Really, we’re telling you, it’s totally rad.
This big bash is the work of so many souls,
Helping us all reach our fun Slope Day goals.
We really must thank Kent Hubbell, our dean,
With his glorious staff, success can be seen.
They work with us students to plan the event,
Creative solutions they often invent.
In addition to staff, there’re several committees,
Both students and pros from so many cities.
From each of these groups hard work is a must,
And into the fun-zone our event they will thrust.
Most of all, we must thank our tireless board,
By all of your energy we’re constantly floored.
When we get to the Slope, more hands are needed,
Without them the event could not be completed.
Volunteers roam in bright turquoise shirts,
Ensuring that each of you does not get hurt.
They’ll give you water and scan your ID,
And clean up the Slope of all your debris.
These selfless cats stand 500 strong,
With them in control, nothing can go wrong.
We now seek to give you some helpful advice
That will help you make Slope Day ever so nice.
Slope Day goes on in both rain and sun,
In any conditions the Slope will be fun.
You just need to be ready no matter the weather,
With sunscreen or slickers or waterproof pleather.
You’ll need C.U. ID to get through the gate,
Plus a guest ticket if you bring a date.
These can be purchased in Willard Straight Hall,
If not done by Thursday, you’ll make your friends bawl.
Staff and professors are permitted as well,
We know we can’t wait to see profs raising hell.
Ho Plaza’s the first place that you’ll want to be,
With all these attractions you’ll scream with glee.
That is the place for your free trucker hat,
Decorated with your name to make you look phat.
You also can nab photos with all of your friends,
With smoothies and mocktails, the fun never ends.
This is a shindig that we call SlopeFest,
Show up at noon to make it the best.
Starting at two there’ll be MGLC Stroll,
Right until four this party will roll.
Farther down the slope, the bands start at 1:30,
Where the Pussycat Dolls are bound to get dirty.
The Apples in stereo will be first to play,
They’re so flippin’ sweet, you’ll def wanna stay.
Next comes Asher Roth with his frat basement hooks,
But we really can’t wait for the Pussycats’ looks.
While groovin’ out hard, you’ll want some good eats.
Check out slopeday.cornell.edu to pick up the deets.
With Dippin’ Dots and big turkey legs,
You’ll completely forget your frat has no kegs.
When stuffing your face at our dining trucks,
Your bill can be settled using your Big Red Bucks.
For those who’ve lived 21 years,
You’ll have the chance for some subsidized beers.
The lines get quite lengthy when the bands start to play,
So get your bracelet early to start out the day.
To get a sip of this delicious brew,
You’ll need multiple IDs, exact number: two.
In addition to beer, there’s free water for all,
If you bring your own, the police we will call.
All large bags and backpacks must be left at home,
Same with your lampshade and cute garden gnome.
Just bring your smiles and positive ‘tudes,
And this day will be great for all chicks and dudes.
Patrick Maloney ’09 is the Selections Director and Mandy Hjellming ’09 is the Chair of the Slope Day Programming Board. They can be reached at email@example.com and firstname.lastname@example.org respectively.