As Valentine’s Day approaches, it is important to remember that there are certain things to be appreciated in life. With all this love in the air, let’s take a moment to pause and cherish the beauty of…
1. CAMARADERIE
Bearded Scholar, to close friend: If I found your woman laying in my bed, I would claim her as my own.
— Thurston Avenue
2. BREAKFAST IN BED
Disbelieving Girl, to group: She found a pizza crust in her bed and she ate it! [Group Gasps]
Pizza Girl: No, no — I only ate part of it!
— Eddy St.
3. POSITIVE SELF-IMAGE
Dreamy Dame: My butt’s not made of spam. I know I have plenty of butt, but I would like to think it’s made of carrots and things.
— Cornell University
4. LEARNING FROM PAST MISTAKES
Former Fratstar: What cocktails and beers do you serve right now?
Waitress: We have mimosas ..
Former Fratstar: No mimosas for me!
Former Fratstar’s Wife: [rolls eyes]
— Carriage House, during brunch
5. CONTEMPLATING THE MEANING OF LIFE
Woman: And I realized God’s plan was to save the pangolins!
— Ho Plaza
6. MAKING DONATIONS TO A WORTHY CAUSE
Miscreant: Let’s just make up funny overheard quotes and send them in. Like this: “Wasn’t Obama a senator or something?”
— Cornell University
7. GOING TO A LIBERAL SCHOOL
Senior Dude: But I got into sex and I got into crazy — so I get to take crazy sex Tuesday Thursday!
— North Campus [on enrollment in Human Bonding and Adult Psychopathology]
Original Author: Jessica Stitt