February 17, 2010


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Dog Desires

Tall Gangly Boy: I wish I had a wienie bitch!

— Highland Avenue

A Hurricane

Of Pain…

For the Colts

Crew Boy, on the New Orleans Saints: You think they’re partying because they won the Super­­bowl? They’re partying because they’re not underwater.

— Collegetown

Abstinence Activism

Guy [to Female Friend]: Remember, stay sexually inactive!

— Niagara Falls, N.Y.

Let Me Tell You About the Peanut Oil They Use!

Bro: So at my first experience with Five Guys …

Chick: How many guys?!

— Downtown Ithaca

Bad Choice

For a Babysitter

Girl 1: That’s horrible!

Girl 2: It’s not my fault, okay? I have aggressor syndrome. It’s not child abuse — the baby wanted to be punched in the face.

— Cornell


With the Munchies

Stoned Dude 1: Dude, I woke up at 10:50 today for my 11:40 class.

Stoned Dude 2: How did you manage to smoke, jerk off and walk to campus in 50 minutes?

— Martha’s

To Whine or Wine?

That is the (Post-Prelim) Question.

Girl 1: After that test I cried all the way home to my dad.

Girl 2: Oh, I just got really drunk!

— Trillium

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eavesdroppings to

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Original Author: Jessica Stitt