Tall Gangly Boy: I wish I had a wienie bitch!
— Highland Avenue
For the Colts
Crew Boy, on the New Orleans Saints: You think they’re partying because they won the Superbowl? They’re partying because they’re not underwater.
Guy [to Female Friend]: Remember, stay sexually inactive!
— Niagara Falls, N.Y.
Let Me Tell You About the Peanut Oil They Use!
Bro: So at my first experience with Five Guys …
Chick: How many guys?!
— Downtown Ithaca
For a Babysitter
Girl 1: That’s horrible!
Girl 2: It’s not my fault, okay? I have aggressor syndrome. It’s not child abuse — the baby wanted to be punched in the face.
With the Munchies
Stoned Dude 1: Dude, I woke up at 10:50 today for my 11:40 class.
Stoned Dude 2: How did you manage to smoke, jerk off and walk to campus in 50 minutes?
To Whine or Wine?
That is the (Post-Prelim) Question.
Girl 1: After that test I cried all the way home to my dad.
Girl 2: Oh, I just got really drunk!
Original Author: Jessica Stitt