Girl: It smells like bacon and delicious!
TWO WAYS TO VEG OUT
Girl: Guess what! I made kale chips last night! They were so good!Boy: Guess what! I touched myself last night! It was so good!Girl: Why are we friends?
Sophomore Boy (to Girl): I’ve left here loads of times without a shirt and I haven’t slept with you!
— Thurston Ave
CORRELATION IMPLIES CAUSATION?
Guy: I tend to drink when I’m sober.
— New York City
Flat-Chested Female: If I only had boobs I would go so much farther in life.
— Eddy Street
LOST IN TRANSLATION
Man With European Accent: You could have been the wife of a baby woman.
Blonde Girl: What?!
Man With European Accent: You know … the wife of a baby woman.
Blonde Girl: Oh … Ha, ha, ha.
— Engineering Quad
MINOR INFRACTIONS OF THE LAW
Girl: I didn’t have sex with him so it’s not statutory rape.
— North Campus
Cornellian: Dude, I just signed up for sports. I don’t know anything about sports! This is gonna suck
— On bus from the Commons