March 31, 2010

Mix and Mash-Up on the Rocks

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This morning as I made my daily round through the infinite blogosphere, Beerios™ in my bowl, Bloody Mary in my cup, two prime examples of pure musical mash-up absurdity filled my ears: Up first was “Office Musik,” a surprisingly enjoyable case of Lil’ Wayne getting business casual all over “The Office” theme song. Mere clicks later, Lil’ Wayne blasted through my eardrums yet again, invading my childhood memories with “Stuntin’ Like Mufasa.” Who knew the Circle of Life was so gangster?Once part of a niche audio market, mash-ups have taken over the mainstream and show no sign of slowing down. They are everywhere. When was the last time you went to a party without having everyone lose their shit to Miley and Biggie breaking it down together? Or like OMG, how much do you love Girl Talk?!?!? Unfortunately, everyone thinks they are a D.J. these days, and for every transcendent mélange of musical bliss (read: “Beethoven’s Fifth Gold Digger” — Kanye vs. Ludwig vs. Walter Murphy. Will change your life), there are several billion shitty amateur attempts (Lady Gaga vs. The Eurythmics should have been so much better. Disappointment). Alas, such is life. Either way, mash-ups are here to stay.In fact, rather than debating the legitimacy of these musical blends, I believe that the notion of mash-ups should be expanded beyond its acoustic roots to include all aspects of life. Beautiful things can happen. Case in point — brunch. Who doesn’t love brunch? Imagine if more things were as great as this holy combo of breakfast and lunch. Such as your beveRAGES! When you think about it, what more is a cocktail than a mash-up of various social lubricants? You take a little nasty vodka, a touch of boring cranberry juice, throw in some Keystone for good measure, and VOILA! Suddenly you’ve created something far greater than the sum of its parts. Accordingly, I’ve decided to become your dipsomaniac D.J., remixing and mashing classic concoctions together into brand new blackout experiences. Lord help us all.

The Liger1 oz. Light Rum1 oz. Vodka2 oz. Pina Colada mix½ an orange

When I think mash-up, I think Liger. If you take a lion and a tiger, two of the planet’s most awesome cats, and mix them together, you can’t expect anything less than greatness. On top of that, everyone knows that ligers are bred for their skills in magic. Combining a Piña Colada and Screwdriver, the Liger cocktail is ferocious. Duh. Combine all ingredients in a blender filled with ice. Blend until smooth. Serve in a large stemmed glass and garnish with an orange slice. Meow.

Banshee’s Orgasm½ oz. White Crème de Cacao½ oz. Crème de Banana½ oz. Amaretto½ oz. Triple Sec½ oz. Vodka1½ oz. Cream

Banshees scream. Orgasms can make you scream. Clearly a match made in heaven. Combine ingredients directly in a rocks glass filled with ice. Give it a short shake and either serve in a stemmed cocktail glass, or as is on the rocks. Getting drunk also tends to make people scream.

Your Crack-tini Is Showing1 oz. Jagermeister1 oz. Jose Cuervo1 oz. 151 Rum

All I’ve decided to do here is upscale a Liquid Cocaine shot to a Martini-sized proportion. Drink at your own risk. By the end of the night, it’ll be more than just your crack that is showing. Combine ingredients in a shaker filled with ice and strain into a cocktail glass. What a mess.

Holy Frat Water1 Keystone Light1 Keystone Ice

I’m a firm believer that there simply is no better way to get your beveRAGE on, than with a Keystone in your hand. However, let us not forget that we are all born with two hands (or so I hope). Grab a Keystone Light in your left hand. Grab a Keystone Ice in your right hand. Chug simultaneously. The Grey Album of alcohol mash-ups.D.J. Losh out.  RLD

Original Author: Milos Balac