March 31, 2010

Two Tequilas on a One-Rack Mind

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One-Rack Mind

Dude (watching The Other Boleyn Girl): Scarlett Johansson from the back is useless. — The Teahouse

Not Cookie Monster

Overconfident Engineer: I am the pussy monster.  Period.— Duffield

Budget, Not Surgical Cuts

Hotelie #1: So did you always want to study finance?Asian Hotelie #2: No, at first I wanted to study pre-med, like every other Asian.— Statler Student Center

Aesthetic Apparel

Student: Why would you need a pair of thongs? You can only use one at a time.Professor: I wouldn’t know. I have neither bought nor worn a thong. But I do appreciate them …— Ives Hall

T-CATching an Eyeful

Gawking Girl: I’m kind of enjoying the three-way bus sex going on here.— Bus from Collegetown

Hockey Shtick

Inebriated Freshman Pledge #1: I think I’m going to take hockey for P.E. next semester.IFP #2: Oh cool. How often do you skate?IFP #1: Well, I mean, I went to Jews on Ice …— Lynah Rink

Crestfallen Casanova

Sketchball (walking down Dryden): Hey ladies, want to join me in my hot tub? Let’s stop wasting time!Girl (stumbling up Dryden): I am not that drunk, son.Sketchball’s Friends & Girl’s Friends: Ohhh! Burn. — Dryden Ave

One Tequila, Two Tequila … Class

Stressed Student: I’m sick of it being cold here! I vote that every time we wake up and it’s cold, we start taking shots.— Cornell University

Original Author: Jessica Stitt