Better Stick to Calculus
Gluten-Free Girl: I’m allergic to pasta.
Math Wiz: I didn’t know pasta was something you could be allergic to … it’s dry!
— Malott Hall
Catering To Student Needs at All Hours of the Night
Discussing decision to replace some of Blue Light’s CUPD escorts with less-intimidating local residents:
S.A. Rep.: So, we’re working really hard on getting local escorts for students.
Audience Member: Wow, poor choice of phrasing.
— Straight Memorial Room
It Practically Undoes Itself!
Silly Sorority Girl: I used to have my hook-up shirt and it was foolproof.
Friend: Oh yeah, what did it look like?
SSG: Well, it was strapless and fell down all the time …
— Eddy Street
Rocking Out (With Your Beer or Vodka Out)
Miffed Musician: Climbers have their own type of beer?! Well, so do singers. It’s called vodka.
— Keeton House
Screwed if You Do, Screwed if You Don’t
Insecure Girl: If I study with him he’s gonna think I wanna have sex with him!! — Collegetown
Getting to the Center of a Tootsie Pop
Flamboyant Fellow: But then he said, “Okay, I’ll just lick it,” but that didn’t work.
— Tower Road
Junior Gal with Chopsticks: Can I have a spoon? I’m a bad Asian!
Weapon or Wardrobe Item?
Hotelie Chick: I’m not gonna fight a naked girl for her pillow!
— Allentown, PA
Picking Hickeys and Concealing Wedgies
Cornellian: She confuses the words for wedgie and hickey; one day she told me, “Whenever (my boyfriend) gives me a wedgie, I just cover it up with a scarf.”
— West Campus Dining Hall
Original Author: Jessica Stitt