April 14, 2010

Eavesdropping on the Ides of April

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Better Stick to Calculus

Gluten-Free Girl: I’m allergic to pasta.

Math Wiz: I didn’t know pasta was something you could be allergic to … it’s dry!

— Malott Hall

Catering To Student Needs at All Hours of the Night

Discussing decision to replace some of Blue Light’s CUPD escorts with less-intimidating local residents:

S.A. Rep.: So, we’re working really hard on getting local escorts for students.

Audience Member: Wow, poor choice of phrasing.

— Straight Memorial Room

It Practically Undoes Itself!

Silly Sorority Girl: I used to have my hook-up shirt and it was foolproof.

Friend: Oh yeah, what did it look like?

SSG: Well, it was strapless and fell down all the time …

— Eddy Street

Rocking Out (With Your Beer or Vodka Out)

Miffed Musician: Climbers have their own type of beer?! Well, so do singers. It’s called vodka.

— Keeton House

Screwed if You Do, Screwed if You Don’t

Insecure Girl: If I study with him he’s gonna think I wanna have sex with him!!           — Collegetown

Getting to the Center of a Tootsie Pop

Flamboyant Fellow: But then he said, “Okay, I’ll just lick it,” but that didn’t work.

— Tower Road

Stereotypical Outlier

Junior Gal with Chopsticks: Can I have a spoon? I’m a bad Asian!

— Miyake’s

Weapon or Wardrobe Item?

Hotelie Chick: I’m not gonna fight a naked girl for her pillow!

— Allentown, PA

Picking Hickeys and Concealing Wedgies

Cornellian: She confuses the words for wedgie and hickey; one day she told me, “Whenever (my boyfriend) gives me a wedgie, I just cover it up with a scarf.”

— West Campus Dining Hall

Original Author: Jessica Stitt