April 22, 2010

KVETCH! Two Weeks to Go

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Floppy Necktie

Is it too much to ask the Cornell Store to carry a decent tie clip? I walk to class, trying to look my spiffiest, and there goes the tie, wafting in the breeze like the tail of an elephant swatting flies off its ass. Another defeat in our futile attempts to escape the entropic state. Despicable … — M.S.

Move That Bus!

To the one No. 30 bus driver who is a complete a-hole: Part of the point of being a bus driver is to let people actually get on the damn bus. So why is it that every time you see me running for the bus you wait until I’m close really, really close before you drive off? The other day I was all of six feet away from the door, waving frantically; I saw you turn around and look at me. We made eye contact. And you STILL drove away — one minute BEFORE you were supposed to leave the Green Street stop. You — and only you — do this to me and the rest of Ithaca on a regular basis. Or are you just targeting students? Do you like making me late for class? And seriously dude, why are you such a dick? — K.B.

Lame Sauce

You know those California kids here who always talk about how amazing In-N-Out burger is, and when you tell them you’ve never tried it because you’ve never been to California they scoff and act like it’s the biggest deal ever? As if In-N-Out Burger has some magical combination of ingredients that has somehow never been equaled anywhere on the East Coast, ever? Screw those kids … — B.D.

Imperfect Attendance

Okay professors who take attendance, listen up. If you are going to be a hardass and make attendance 15 percent of our grades, you damn well better send out an attendance sheet every class. If I go to one more 10:10 class where you forget to send around a sign-in sheet, I’m going to flip out. — T.M.

Worst Lawyers Ever

The Cornell Basketball Blog. That’s all. Oh, and following the rules … totally overrated. Not doing that anymore. — A.K.B.

Silent Treatment

The library functions as a place to study. Not a place to sit down without even taking out your work so that you look like you’re doing something and talk. By the way, whispering is not quiet. Just because you change the tone of your voice does not mean people cannot hear you. Libe Cafe is like ten steps away. If you’re gonna be in the library, at least pretend to be working. You don’t even need to be dead silent, let’s just at least maintain the illusion that you didn’t just intend to chat.  — R.P.

Nervous Nancy

I can’t believe it. I can’t hold it off any longer. I’ve been trying to stay around here, stick it out, be an undergrad and stretch out my beautiful no-responsibility late wake-up life for as long as possible. But I can do it no longer unless I actually want to be Van Wilder (I don’t). College, why are you leaving my life? Why are you about to dump me out on my sorry ass with no job, no way of supporting myself and no health insurance? I guess this is why people go to grad school. — J.B.