Gemini (May 21 — June 20): This week, you will stir up more controversy than a Lady Gaga video. Throw on a baggy T-shirt already, ok?
Cancer (June 21 — July 22): You and your significant other will run into a rough patch this week. How rough? Let’s just say you’ll be envious of Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller’s relationship.
Leo (July 23 — August 22): Things will be exactly the same as last week. This is because you have traveled back in time! Consult last week’s horoscopes for guidance.
Virgo (August 23 — September 22): After coming up with a brilliant idea at work, you’ll be more sought after then the iPod 4.
Libra (September 23 — October 22): This week you’ll think about seeking guidance to help you solve a problem. But Hydra, the multi-headed sea monster, didn’t need anyone else so why do you?
Scorpio (October 23 — November 21): This week, pictures may be worth a thousand words, but your mug shot is worth exactly $25,000. Keep hiding!
Sagittarius (November 22 — December 21): This is not the week to play the lottery, but is it ever really?
Capricorn (December 22 — January 19): Lately, you’re more out of place then Jay Leno at a Conan O’Brien stand-up show. Just keep your chin held high.
Aquarius (January 20 — February 18): You’ve been extremely controlling recently. There’s one thing controlling your dreams, but another controlling traffic lights, ATM machines and other people’s minds.
Pisces (February 19 — March 20): You’ve had trouble leaving your favorite places this week. But the bartender at TGIF wanted me to tell you that last call means last call. Seriously.
Aries (March 21 — April 19): This week, you’ll have more energy then Richard Simmons doing jumping jacks (outfit required for the week).
Taurus (April 20 — May 20): Lately, you’ve been walking around with a pang of guilt. It’s like you don’t deserve to have something you’ve worked hard for. That’s your conscience telling you to return those stolen items. RLD
Original Author: Allie Miller