July 7, 2010

After the 4th of July Horoscopes

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Cancer (June 21 — July 22): Lately, you’ve been working extremely hard. Take some much needed time off before the heat gets to your head and your job.

Leo (July 23 — August 22): This week you will receive news that you only dreamed of. Your house could have gotten hit by a firework last weekend and that wouldn’t bring you down.

Virgo (August 23 —  September 22): You’re nearing the end of your prison sentence while Lindsay Lohan is getting ready to start hers. Ironic, isn’t it?

Libra (September 22 — October 22): This week, you won’t be feeling spectacular. Perhaps the stars will allow you to begin your Broadway career next week.

Scorpio (October 23 — November 21): This week, all of the cards will fall into place. It’s up to you to make sure no one sneezes on your house of cards and sends it tumbling down.

Sagittarius (November 22 — December 21): This week, you’ll still be riled up from the 4th of July. To burn off the extra fireworks and marshmallows, throw yourself a half-birthday party.

Capricorn (December 22 — January 19): This week, you will go out of your way to be nice to everyone. Sadly, you will wake up from sleepwalking and you will go back to being cranky as usual.

Aquarius (January 20 — February 18): This week, you will feel the need to bring a boom box to a beach. Bring your iPod as back up after an angry beach goer (probably me) will smash your boom box to bits.

Pisces (Feburary 19 — March 20): This week, you will be on bed rest. Take advantage of the unlimited Jello. (No, not Jello shots, you alcoholic.)

Aries (March 21 — April 19): Lately, you’ve been making others around you swoon. It’s probably from the heat wave, but maybe you’re just that hot … nope, it’s the heat wave.

Taurus (April 20 — May 20): This week, you will adopt 3 children while trying to take over the moon … oh wait, that’s a movie that’s coming out this week … never mind.

Gemini (May 21 — June 20): This week, you’ll be tempted to try out new things. How about saving that turtleneck until after the heat wave, yes? RLD

Original Author: Allie Miller