Leo (July 22 — August 22): This week, you will feel bad for not doing more. Don’t feel too bad — some species are just meant to die out (I’m looking at you Chupacabras!)
Virgo (August 23 — September 22): This week, you’ll feel like an Olympic meadlist. While competitve food eating may not be an Olympic sport, it just may be one day, so keep it at!
Libra (September 22 — October 22): This week, you’ll find that you are cussing up a storm over nothing. Keep it classy and throw away the trashy!
Scorpio (October 23 — November 21): This week, you won’t feel like the Belle of the Ball, but more like the Belle of the Boulevard.
Sagittarius (November 22 — December 21): Lately, you have been trying to feel more original. Sadly, Facebook will reveal that there are hundreds of groups full of every ‘original’ thing you do.
Capricorn (December 22 — January 19): This week, you will realize that you are no longer in Oz. But you have to ask yourself, were you ever really there to begin with (insert ‘Twilight Zone’ theme song here)?
Aquarius (January 20 — February 18): Lately, you have been craving a delicacy. Time to put on some pants and get yourself to Pizza Hut for some cheesy breadsticks.
Pisces (February 19 — March 20): This week, you may be talked into doing something you don’t want to do. Like, putting on some pants and going to Pizza Hut for some cheesy breadsticks. Good luck getting into those same pants after that meal.
Aries (March 21 — April 19): After being a nomad for the last couple of months, it’s finally time to settle down (Wait come back! Don’t be such a commitment-phobe!)
Taurus (April 20 — May 20): This week, you will feel like you inherited a clan of pre-schoolers. Try to keep your cool and wait it out until nap time.
Gemini (May 21 — June 20): Lately, you have been trying to act older then your age. Unfortunately, bouncers know that there is no way you look like your 48. There’s just no way.
Cancer (June 21 — July 22): After watching Shark Week, you will be terrfied to go into the water. RLD
Original Author: Allie Miller