August 11, 2010

Dog Days of Summer Horoscopes

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Leo (July 22 — August 22): This week, you will be taken on a romantic trip across the lake. You know that this trip will end poorly when you spot a hole in the boat.

Virgo (August 23 — September 22): Lately, you feel like the peanut butter to your jelly has been M.I.A. But haven’t you heard that Nutella is the new peanut butter? Give it a try.

Libra (September 22 — October 22): This week, you will find out that there is such a thing as a stupid question. Just ask the employees at Google — they see them everyday.

Scorpio (October 23 — November 21): Lately, you haven’t been able to get your chickens in a row. Invest in a sheepdog to heard your hens in two parallel lines.

Sagittarius (November 22 — December 21): A door recently closed in your life. Luckily, another one will soon appear, but the doorbell is broken.

Capricorn (December 22 — January 19): This week, you will have really exciting news. But after hearing that Prop 8 was overturned, you realize that nothing can trump that. Save it for next week.

Aquarius (January 20 — February 18): Lately, you have wanting to buy something new. Luckily, you’ll crash your car and you will be forced to buy a new one. Don’t you love that new car smell?

Pisces (February 19 — March 20): This week, you’ll find the funniest clip on YouTube and share it with all of your friends. Since they are all out enjoying the sun and the sand, you will be left alone in front of the glowing light of the computer screen.

Aries (March 21 — April 19): This week, you will lose something you love. Maybe you’ll get your next pet rock a GPS chip.

Taurus (April 20 — May 20): This week, you will stumble into a bar where everybody knows your name and they are glad that you came. You’ll just remember that it was “cheerful.”

Gemini (May 21 — June 20): This week, you will make a fabulous discovery. And while the rest of the world already knew that cupcakes are made from the same recipe as cake, we’ll all be really excited for you.

Cancer (June 21 — July 22): Lately, you feel like you’ve been watching too much reality TV. Maybe if your voted out at the next elimination round, you’ll take some time off.RLD

Original Author: Allie Miller