September 29, 2010

Someone’s Being a Sober Sally

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As the Master of Mixology, I continuously experiment with various forms of libation to find inspiration for my writing and provide you with new drinking experiences. In the pursuit of sexiness, I have traveled the world, sacrificed my dignity, and become learned in the ancient art of beveRAGEing, using your education as my justification. But what happens when I put down the bottle and stop drinking? In the past two weeks, several incidents have come together to significantly lower my BAC, completely compromising my alcoholic integrity. Firstly, my esophageal lining continues to heal from the Four Loko-induced battle wounds it suffered on behalf of your readership last time we spoke. Combined with the common cold, my ability to consume alcohol has been seriously endangered. Sprinkle in some prelim madness and a dead computer and there ain’t no drank in this cup.

Where am I going with all this? To be perfectly honest, I haven’t been drunk in so long that I really have no idea what to write about this week. I’ve got nothing. Sorry. I know that together we can get through this frightening sober moment. This too shall pass. In the meantime, here’s a list of some recent sober adventures that I would recommend if you find yourself less than slizzard on a Saturday night:

I need a drink.

Original Author: Milos Balac