I’ve Got The Power
Girl: He grades just soo…obnoxiously!Guy: Yeah, obnoxiously!…He’s just a nerd on a power trip.
Would You Like A Cigar?
Professor Maas: You think you’re seeing the clock tower, but really it’s a penis.
Hide the Rum
Guy: I’m relatively impressed with the size of my penis right now, so let’s leave Long John Silver over there (points to friend) out of this before I have to start calling mine little ‘Captain Jack Sparrow.’
I’ll Be The Alice To Your Wonderland
Girl #1: John Mayer makes the best faces when he sings.
Girl #2: Oh how I’d love to be the reason he makes those faces…
Shoot for the Stars
Sign above condoms says take one, freshman guy takes two
Female employee: I don’t think you’re gonna get that much action tonight, buddy.
Is That a Banana in Your Pocket?
Two male friends embrace at a bus stop.Guy #1:Aw sorry man! I felt you.Guy #2: Nah its all good. Just my phone.
Under My Umbr-ella
Guy #1: How can you wear those shoes in this weather?Guy #2: They’re so torn up already, I don’t care if they get more destroyed.
Guy #1: But aren’t your feet soaking?
Guy #2: They’re just a little moist…they’re my only appendages that have been getting moist lately…
-Duffield Special Delivery
Guy picking up mail in Hans Bethe House: Oh God damnit. There’s my herpes medication.
Original Author: Rachel Neville