“Randy. Do not watch that no-no channel!”
“I’m not staying up to do THAT, Sharon. Geeze.”
I don’t generally equate Alton Brown, Guy Feiri or Paula Dean with sex symbols (especially Paula Dean … maybe Giada De Laurentiis, Ha-Cha-Cha-Cha), and I definitely don’t do THAT when I watch the Food Network, but have you seen that Shake Weight commercial? I didn’t realize it was a real thing until after I watched this episode of South Park! A friend (and yes, it is a chick) pointed out that its real, and I flipped. This is why you got to love capitalism (guys, please come back to finish reading this blog) after flipping through YouTube for the commercial.
So, here’s the gist of this week’s episode. Sharon Marsh feels unappreciated when Randy becomes obsessed with the Food Network. Randy watches it to “satisfy his appetite,” so to speak, and so, yes, this episode is mostly just masturbation and hand-job jokes … classic. Amazingly, the Shake Weight commercial (“Just grab the piston and go to work – one handed or double fisted”) does nothing for him – how do you walk away from that sort of commercial?
Sharon uses the parental controls to blog the Food Network, which just drives Randy further away – he starts calling the Food Network Hotline, which apparently isn’t to different from a sex talk hotline, where they talk about deglazing pans of roasted chicken.
“I’d take some red wine – about a quarter cup – and then, a wooden spoon. I’d deglaze the fuck out of that pan.”
Trying to get her husband’s attention, Sharon decides to start exercising, but since she doesn’t have to time to go the gym (who does?) she decides to buy a Shake Weight. In South Park universe, the Shake Weight come (pun intended) in all shapes and sizes, from small whites ones to giant black one called, the Big Jim. And in the South Park Universe, they also, have a special cool down spray – that lets you know the workout is done – and give you cab money after its over … such a gentleman. Did I mention that it talks?
“You are doing excellent. Great work. Now switch arms. Wow! Good job. You are amazing. You are very attractive and interesting … Wow! Good! Keep going. Keep going. Harder. Faster. Your workout is finish. Here is some cab fare. Now going to sleep mode.”
Did I mention that this episode is mostly just masturbation and hand-job jokes?
Randy quits his job as a geologist to work in the school cafeteria – the position long abandoned by the late, great Chef – and cooks some upscale food. This, of course, upsets the boys, who just want pizza and a parent-free cafeteria.
So, from there, the episode goes exactly as you would expect… Randy cooks bad food while saying obscenities … Sharon keeps pleasuring her robot thingamajig (in the kitchen; on the beach; in the middle of the night) … the boys set out to dispel Randy from the food business.
Cartman dresses up and gives the best Gordon Ramsey I’ve seen since that little kid on YouTube … I’m not giving you the link because I’m still worried too few of you have returned from the Shake Weight commercial I mentioned before. Stan believes that his father is, “retarded, but he is not that retarded.” In fact, he is. But even Cartman/Gordon’s obscene rants won’t discourage him.
Bobby Flay shows up to challenge Randy to the long-awaited “school cafeteria throw-down.” And, of course, Alton Brown, Maria Batali, Paula Dean, and Giada De Laurentiis, “with her perky tats and giant head.”
In the meantime, as Randy prepares for the “Hell’s Kitchen, Nightmare, Iron Top Chef, Cafeteria Throwdown Ultimate Cookoff Challenge,” Sharon catches another woman with her Shake Weight in a Hotel room, and it tries to make-up for it. It does however help Sharon understand what a “nice old fashioned” can do, and she does THAT to put Randy in “sleep mode.”
The moral of the story is, according to Shake Weight, “Marriage is important. Keep your man happy. When things are going bad, there’s nothing like an Old Fashioned to ease his stress.”
Did I mention that this episode is mostly masturbation and hand-job jokes?
Original Author: A. Drew Muscente