February 12, 2011

Glee Recap: Love Sucks Face

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Alright, our long-awaited comeback of Glee has finally arrived. And all I can say is … “hmmmm. Still not believable.” The Superbowl Sunday episode had some great musical numbers, but the cliche jock-dream, varsity blues crap was way too much of a Lifetime movie for me. I WANT PLOT!

This week’s regularly scheduled episode, “Silly Love Songs,” opens up with Puck (Mark Salling) madly in love with the fat chick (Ashley Fink). Ya, ok. You have a better chance at Big Red football team winning a game then having a star quarter back falling for a ‘plump’ diva-licious lady like Lauren.

Finn (Corey Monteith) is also on his high horse after winning that barely believable football championship, and wants to steal Quinn (Dianna Agron) back from Sam (Chord Overstreet). Can he use his sexy man strut to woo the not-so-celibate cheerostitute?

Cut to a coffee shop with Blaine (Darren Criss) and Kurt (Chris Colfer), where the two are discussing the upcoming Valentine’s Day. We all feel a little awk since the two guys have been having sexual tension for at least 10 episodes, but NOTHING has happened. It’s hard to see Blaine talking about how he loves Valentine’s Day and even asking Kurt for love advice since he has his eyes on someone. Meanwhile, we all know Kurt is getting the big O just looking at him, poor thing. Blaine might be leading him on, or there may be something unraveling. Or, Glee can beat the gay teen drama like a dead horse and there will be no plot advances. Ever.

The glee club finds out their newest assignment is to pair up and sing love songs, and yet again, the producers have locked the episode into a themed vice. Finn decides he wants to start a kissing booth, and the whole club gangs up on Santana (Nya Rivera) after she makes fun of him. Kudos to Rachel (Leah Michelle) for telling her she’ll become a stripper, I don’t see anything wrong with that life choice, I mean it is the fallback plan when and if Cornell Engineering doesn’t work out for me.

Puck and Lauren meet in the hall and even a charming invite to ‘Breadstix’ the TV-land equivalent of our oh-so-elegant Olive Garden could not tame the shrew. Blaine calls together a meeting of the Warblers to sing a song for the man he is in love with, at the Gap. Oh boy, didn’t see that one coming. Turns out it’s not Kurt. With the help of Mercedes (Amber Riley) and Rachel, Kurt realizes flying solo might not be as bad as he thinks.

The boys bring the first song of the episode, (finally) and appropriately they choose Queen’s “Fat Bottomed Girls.” Slightly insulting and disturbing, Puck is not able to woo his curvy lady in song, (I mean he blatantly called her fat) and also feeds the fire known as Santana’s jealousy. Oh, what have you gotten into buddy?

Becky wants tongue from Finn’s kissing booth, and Quinn has to break it to him that she can’t keep leading him on, and she wants to be faithful to Sam. Oh wow, look at Quinn developing morals? Whoda thunk? Rachel freaks out when Finn just kisses her on the cheek and admits she still loves him. And awwwwwwwww. He bought her a gold star for Christmas. But he plays the “It’s not you, it’s me card,” and the two part ways.

Arty (Kevin McHale) and Mike (Harry Chum Jr.) roll through the hallways with song two of the night, MJ’s “PYT.” I loved this number, between Arty’s surprisingly smooth voice and Mike’s never-failing dance routines, the two gleeks brought together an act to salvage the episode thus far.

And then Glee made up for it. Santana tries to get Puck back and tries to get all ghetto on Lauren. These two girls have Tyra Banks complexes, acting all nice and professional, but when they get angry, they pull out the suppressed soul sista. Santana tells Lauren she is from the ghetto part of their Ohio town and gives her a nice slap on the cheek. Well Lauren, a semi-professional wrestler, grabs her and starts a girl-on-girl hallway brawl. At first, I’m like, HOLY CRAP! This is awesome! And then, I just feel bad because Santana’s getting her ass kicked, and she’s the only hot one.

Quinn goes back to kiss Finn to prove to Sam she has no feelings backfires, as the two re-ignite their love flame and Quinn plans a booty-call for the next day in the auditorium.

The Warblers then bust out into Robin Thicke’s “When I Get You Alone” in the middle of the Gap. The musical exhibitionism gets Blaine’s crush fired, and in the least douche-y way possible he lets Blaine know there is nothing between them. Hmmm Kurt equals rebound? We’ll see!

Santana picks up on Finn and Quinn’s dirty business so adorned in a naughty nurse outfit, kisses a sick student in the nurse’s office, and proceeds to swap spit with Finn at the kissing booth. A McKinley mono pandemic may soon be brewing.

Lauren finally accepts Puck’s Valentine’s Day invite, as a ring-pop proposal seemed to win this hungry beast’s heart. Just the idea of these two getting hot and heavy makes me want to vomit. Quinn meets Finn in the auditorium, and although Finn was so hung up on his girlfriend’s cheating on him, he still wants Quinn. The two decide they can keep the affair going until Quinn wants to choose between the boys.

Lauren stands Puck up on their date, but like a true champ, he snags a married Breadstix waitress to calm his raging libido.  Tina (Jenna Ushkowitz) sings “My Funny Little Valentine,” and I was confused why she was having a seizure during the performance, but apparently she was “overcome with love.” Or she could just use some meds. Quinn and Finn are both sick thanks to Santana’s germ transport and her revenge plan seems to be working.

Lauren promises to take it slow with Puck, and Rachel tries to nurse Finn back to health. Finn admits Quinn made him see ‘fireworks’ and Rachel could only yield a limp biscuit, so songstress diva now knows there’s no hope left. But if there’s one thing you can learn from Glee, it’s whatever emotion your feeling, whatever natural disaster is occurring, whoever is dying, just sing about it. There’s got to a billboard single that describes your pathetic life right?

Well Leah Michelle’s version of Katy Perry’s “Firework” was what I was looking forward to the entire episode. Sadly, it didn’t do it for me. Rachel’s pipes and style paled in comparison to Katy Perry, and the scene was just anti-climactic for me.

The episode ends at the Breadstix restaurant, where Kurt has set up a concert for all the lonely people on Valentine’s Day. The Warblers sing “Silly Love Songs” by Wings, and Santana gives a flirty look back at Sam. Who else is possibly left to make out with? This glee club is like a brewing orgy of sexually active band geeks. Stay tuned for next week’s recap to see what happens next!

Justin Beiber songs (for the tween girls and hearing impaired) and a special Rent tribute are on the menu for episode 3!

Original Author: Nicholas Parisi