During the past year, some of the finest memories we will ever make were made within the quaint brick walls of 139 W. State Street. We laughed while the printing press groaned into motion, we cried when deadlines passed unmet, we … nevermind. Not much for sentimentality, we, the 128th Editorial Board, decided to go out in style. Not with the whisper of a heartfelt goodbye message, but with the jarring thunderclap of our University’s two founders raised from the dead.
Sun: So on the eve of our departure from the world of collegiate journalism, we’re curious to hear you two reflect on our performance. It seems like we just yesterday that we started our term as editors, and …
Ezra: It flew by so fast. Yeah. We get it. Say something original.
Sun: Now seems like an appropriate time to quote former associate editor, Kurt Vonne—
Ezra: Please refrain. Don’t you have more than one famous alumnus?
A.D.: They don’t.
Ezra: Awkward.
Sun: Maybe the next Vonnegut will come out of this editorial board. You never know. We had a pretty good year, right?
A.D.: Well, it was a tenure defined by heroin dealing, plagiarism and fictional “hard-hitting” stories on executive bonuses … but other than that, yeah. Solid.
Ezra: That’s not true. The 128th upheld its duty to hold the administration’s feet to the fire—
A.D.: Great point. Five news stories and a week’s worth of editorials on Four Loko really made Skorton shake in his penny loafers.
Ezra: Damn, took my joke. But really, you covered Four Loko more than any single news story this year.
Sun: That’s completely false. It’s not our fault you guys haven’t read even one of the dozens of budget cut stories we’ve written.
A.D.: Boring.
Ezra: We glanced at the headlines before pulling out the crossword. That should count for something.
Sun: Really? You guys are just going to be snarky the whole time?
A.D.: Yes.
Ezra: No no, I have a genuine compliment: Your single best editorial achievement during the past year was not reporting that Papa Roach was coming for Slope Day. Congrats.
Sun: That was a little back-handed, but I appreciate the gesture. How about our coverage of the changes to the Greek system?
A.D.: It was a little fratty for me.
Ezra: Only The Sun would frame cutting down on underage drinking as some sort of grand injustice.
Sun: Wow, I didn’t see this coming, I never knew you guys hated The Sun.
A.D.: The Cornell Era was better.
Ezra: So much better.
Sun: Well, guys, it’s been quite a year.
A.D.: What the hell are you talking about? It’s March.
Sun: Oh, you know.
In all seriousness, it’s been an honor and a privilege to serve our humble campus daily in its 130th year of publication. Best of luck to the 129th Editorial Board, and here’s to another 130 great years.
— KSW