While I was thinking about what I should write this week, I realized that Slope Day was more than 6 months ago. While that’s crazy in and of itself, what’s crazier is that I still have not written about the second half of #21: the “dig it up on Slope Day” part of the “bury a bottle of Bacardi on the Slope” item.
Since I know all of y’all have probably been awaiting the arrival of this post as anxiously as a child on Christmas morning (Chanukah really doesn’t have the same excitement factor that Christmas has…you kind of can guess what’s coming next during the course of an eight-day holiday), I decided it was time for me to put you out of your misery.
For those of you reading this post who didn’t read the prequel, feel free to read the sordid tale of the bottle-burying before you continue reading this blog post. For the rest of you kids, keep on keeping on.
Let me begin by telling you all that the “digging utensil” MN and I bought was an ice cream scooper. Yep, after evaluating all of our options, we decided an ice cream scooper would be the best tool to use for this activity. After all, it was innocuous enough to not be a red flag that we were on an excavation mission if someone checked my fanny pack (I’ve said it before – FP’s are totally acceptable on Slope Day) making it the perfect object to use.
Unsurprisingly (to us at least) the ice cream scooper made it past any and all security checkpoints like none other. Now it was time to dig.
Let me digress for a moment and say that when MN and I planned this entire scheme, we (I probably was the only one worrying, but I’m going to pretend that he had some concerns as well) were worried about getting caught while burying the bottle, having the ice cream scooper taken away and/or getting caught while digging up the bottle. It never crossed my mind that there may be a freaking vehicle parked on top of what we thought was the most perfect spot to bury our Bacardi.
Well, I feel like I should have seen that coming given the amazing applicability of Murphy’s Law (anything that can go wrong will go wrong) in my life (so much so that my mom bought me a Murphy’s Law calendar my sophomore year of college; real subtle, Mom). Well, we kind of awkwardly hovered in the vicinity of the EMS truck anxiously waiting for it to move.
Then, I gave up all hope and resigned myself to the fact that the Bacardi would not be dug up on Slope Day, so I walked away and, like magic, I came back to find that the EMS truck had moved! In my 21 and a half years, I don’t think I have had a more exciting moment than coming back to see that we could dig in peace. I also have never found a more apt time to use the whole “watched pot never boils” thing…I mean, you can watch a pot of water, and it eventually will boil. That’s just science for you. The EMS moving locations, well, that was divine intervention.
So we (and by we I mean MN) dug and dug until we found our bottle of Bacardi. And then we got to my favorite part of the day. We were just chilling with an empty bottle of Bacardi in front of us as Cornell police sauntered past. They saw the bottle, saw us chillaxing and asked if the bottle was ours. I responded in a manner completely foreign to me — a calm one — and casually was like, “Nah, no idea where those are from.”
Basically, I think my completion of #21 is best characterized by Charlie Sheen’s most obnoxious catchphrase: WINNING. Oh, and don’t forget to complete #29 (Turn your face blue from screaming at midnight before the first finals). Good luck on your exams, and happy (almost) winter break!!!
Jaime Freilich is a senior in the College of Human Ecology. She may be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Big Red Ambition appears on Wednesdays.
Original Author: Jaime Freilich