May 1, 2013

The Dapper Man: Slope Day Style

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The day that all Cornellians have been waiting for is finally almost here. True hip-hop enthusiasts will be utterly thrilled by Kendrick Lamar, and the rest, well, can at least enjoy either their own intoxication or the intoxication of others. Unfortunately for me and a handful of other sorry students, the Genetics Lab Practical is on Slope Day from 2:30pm to 4:30pm, which is prime Kendrick time. So, while every one of my friends is out having a blast, I will be taking an examination that will most likely result somewhere in the B range. Still, no lab practical will stop me from at least dressing like a Slope Day fanatic. Here’s my tips to dress like you belong on the slope:

Cheap Sunglasses

Weather-wise, Slope Day is projected to be hot and sunny. And if you don’t plan on squinting the entire time, invest in some cheap sunglasses. Emphasis on the “cheap.” Most people are going to be utterly reckless and/or blasted so it’s probably best to leave the high-end Ray Bans at home to avoid damage. On the slope, the sunglasses could fall from your head, get stepped on or get smashed by the bumps of other sweaty students.

Neon Tank Top from your Favorite Organization

Almost every Greek organization, dance crew, or student organization will make a special Slope Day tank top so that their members can represent their allegiance at the largest social event of the university. Neon colors are a must to typify the standard, obnoxious Slope Day goer. Also, some reference to Kendrick Lamar is encouraged, and luckily “Swimming Pools” made this task very easy. I expect to see a lot of “DRANK, DRANK, DRANK” on many tanks this year.

Cheap Snapbacks

Much like the sunglasses, emphasis on the “cheap.” Wear a low-cost baseball cap that you can drop and throw if you feel especially enthused by Kendrick’s bars. Snapbacks are the stereotypical collegiate hat of this generation, and in case you’ve forgotten, it can be worn multiple ways. You can wear the hat on forwards, which shields your eyes from the sun; or you can wear the hat on backwards, which clearly demonstrates the douchiness Cornell embodies so well.

Cheap Footwear

Much like the sunglasses and snapbacks, emphasis on the “cheap.” Try to wear a pair of throwaway flip flops or sandals because nice shoes will be completely obliterated by the slope. The grassy knolls of the slope quickly morph into ditches of slimy mud during slope day; and with all the spills, vomit, and possible poop that may be all over, I highly advise a pair of soles that you can just discard at the end of the day.

All in all though, Slope Day is about celebrating an academic year well done (or medium done… or rare), and the most important thing is to enjoy it whether you’re wearing an incredibly normalized outfit as outlined above, or nothing at all (please don’t do that). You deserve the day off. Have fun!

Original Author: Eric Ding