After a comment on my last article, I had two people email me requesting that I make this week’s piece a list of rules for a hookup game. Although two people is not many, it’s still two more requests than I needed to make me do it anyway. So, it’s time for Donny J.’s “Kneel or No Kneel (cue intense music)!”
So, you have a few friends who are in committed relationships with people they care about with all of their heart, fully understanding what it truly means to be a human experiencing the beautiful phenomenon of love? Losers — they don’t get to play this game. Gather up all of your single friends and have a blast with this, though remember it is highly dependent on everyone following the honor system. The basic idea involves allocating points to all competitors for hookup successes, while at the same time penalizing points for anything embarrassing or ”not cool bro/girl.” You can set the time frame of your game to be one weekend, multiple weeks or even a single night for those of you who are more hardcore.
I know what some of you out there are thinking: “Donny, how’d you get to be so handsome and charming?” I also know that some of you may be looking in disgust at this article: “Like, oh my God, this is just horrible. How can you treat sex like some kind of game?” Well, stop it. If you don’t get that this is all just for fun, then you really shouldn’t be reading this page every other Thursday.
Without further ado, I present the rules of KoNK:
High-Five Points: Add up for each action and accumulate for multiple hookups
5 Points:
10 Points:
15 Points:
20 Points:
Headshake Penalties: Deduct for each offense, and yes you can go into negatives.
5 Points:
10 Points:
15 Points:
20 Points:
Lose All Points:
There you have it, folks. Remember that this is all just for fun, unless you making this into some kind of money pool (which for low-budget college students, I highly discourage).