February 18, 2014

BYRNE | Five Things You Actually Don’t Need in Your Life

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As the regular writer of this list column, I am obligated to do a lot of research on other lists (jokes, I am just obsessed with Thought Catalog, if you haven’t guessed already). Anyway, I’ve been seeing a lot of articles on the Internet recently, especially posted on Facebook, with titles like, “20 Things You Should Cut out of Your Schedule,” or “100 Items to Throw Out Right Now Before They Literally Kill You,” the latter of which is generally a misuse of literality. Honestly, I have eternal hope for these self-help lists; I will click on them every time they show up on my news feed, because I really believe that every time they will lead to some deep revelation about the cluttered and complicated mess that is my life. Unfortunately, I am always let down, as these types of lists are always filled with items such as “your worries.” My main problem with this is that it is literally impossible to just decide to let go of your worries — correct use of literality. Moreover, I haven’t yet been convinced that all worry is a bad thing. Infuriated by these preachy lists, I of course decided to write one. Here are five things that you really don’t actually need:

I mean, you may not need your worries either, but I tried to keep this in the more tangible realm. After all, I clearly have absolutely nothing figured out, and I’m not in the business of trying to tell people what to do when I have no idea myself. But all that aside, if any Cornell student figures out how to not worry, call me. Call everyone. We want in on that.