February 27, 2014

Improve Your Snapchat Game

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Snapchat. Yup, it’s about time I talked about the greatest invention known to man. Over the past few years, traditionalists out there have been wondering what the invention of texting has done to the good ol’ fashioned phone call. Oldies complain that dating and romance is dead and that we are left with this disgusting little thing called “hook-up culture.” So where does Snapchat fit into all this nonsense? Well, Snapchat has revolutionized hook-up culture.

When I was younger I would laugh at my Dad when he told me he called the girls he had crushes on after school. How were you supposed to call two girls at the same time? What would happen if you didn’t have a few minutes to come up with something clever to say? The idea of calling a girl was as inefficient as it was daunting, and so I would shrug off Bradley’s advice. As someone who is not nearly as funny and charming in person as he is over text, I thought life was good. Today, middle school boys have it even easier, and we 90s babies are the butt of the joke. There is no doubt in my mind that kids born after the millennium are at Bar Mitzvahs right now getting destroyed off Shirley Temples, laughing that guys used to actually text girls to get some OTP play. Just as a phone call seemed like the most archaic way to talk to a girl when I was in 8th grade, texting has seen its day come and go. It’s adapt or die in this crazy little world, so here are some tips to make sure your snap game is on point.

Find your lighting

When you ask upperclassmen in sororities about their babies, they say all of them are pretty. Sadly, as you saw at the mixer last night, they were lying. At the same time, take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror. You may not be so soft on the eyes either. Not everyone is a 10, but luckily Snapchat allows you to take as many pictures as you want and find where you look best. Is there a reason why I always send Snapchats from the same location? Absolutely.

Snap First

No matter how you do it, initial texts always ends up a little awkward. Luckily, Snapchat makes it so much easier for you to get your flirt on. Start off by including her in some mass snaps and hopefully she will reciprocate. After that, hit her up with something along the lines of, “what’s it take to get a personal snap these days?” Don’t worry, it’s scientifically proven to get you on her personal snap list. At that point, consider yourself good.

Use your 10 words wisely

While the beauty in Snapchat lies in the picture, the caption is not to be forgotten. Don’t let the limited space intimidate you: keep it short and to the point. Be witty and cute, and make sure you aren’t too forward. One of my personal favorites is “yes, those are my privates.” It shows a different side of you, is subtle and not creepy in the slightest.

Show some versatility

Sending the same picture over and over again can get boring very quickly. If you have ever snapped with me, you no doubt know this is where I struggle the most. I try and try and try, but sadly I only know how to make one face on Snapchat. The worst part is, it’s not even a good face. Because of this, I have to resort to taking pictures of things other than my pretty mug. If you are blessed enough to have multiple selfie faces, I commend you. I would also like you to teach me how to do this.

Economize your time

Okay, so let’s just hypothetically say you have two girls in completely different spheres of life that you snap. Remember, this is completely hypothetical. And let’s pretend that you took a snap and really like the way you look. Does it then make sense to send it to both of them? Hypothetically speaking, that might not be the worst idea. I of course am a man of integrity, though, and would never consider acting in such a way, but it’s just some food for thought.

Careful of the ‘Best Friends’

This can be very tricky. I, admittedly, used to think that if at least two of your three Snapchat best friends weren’t girls, you were doing something wrong. Oh, how naïve I used to be. It’s important to note here that you, of course, are not the only person able to view the best friends list. Purposefully snapping Sally (the cutest girl in school) two, three, sometimes seven or eight times a day just so you can impress friends with your bestie list—something I have clearly never, ever done before—is so high school. At the collegiate level, I argue that it is both more impressive and beneficial to be able to show the girls on my floor that I am snap best friends with self-proclaimed frat legend Brian Bank (Luckily, due to Bank’s seventh-grade-girl snapping tendencies, this is actually quite a simple feat).

I wish you all the best of luck and remember to always snap responsibly.