April 23, 2014

SEX ON THURSDAYS: Welcome to My Bubble

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Why do we like sex? Well first, there’s the obvious answer of it being physically enjoyable (your nerve endings and hormones can vouch for that). But what about everything else? From the one-night romps, to the “kinda dating,” to the madly in love, there has got to be something else that drives our desire and makes us human. We wouldn’t spend all this time thinking, talking, crying, laughing and reading (thank you all!) about sex if it was just a way to make our body parts feel good. No, there is something else about it, and it’s something we don’t even acknowledge because we’re often afraid to.

Think about why we wear clothes in the first place (ignore the weather for a second, #shithaca). Aesthetics and practicality aside, we use clothes to cover our naked bodies, our most private personal possession. That can never belong to someone else — that is yours and yours alone. We’re college students, and there are times when we want to be alone. There’s nothing wrong with that at all, as we all need time to clear our heads and just be ourselves with ourselves. And then when we so please, we can go hang out with our friends. But we cannot share our physical selves with our friends (unless you guys are into that sort of thing, in which case … hit me up!). So sex is about more than just making our genitalia feel amazing; it’s about realizing someone else wants to share their bubble with you, even if only for a few hours.

We all have our personal space bubble, and it varies in radius depending on the mood and time. At 6:30 p.m. on a prelim night, your bubble might go as far out as your skin; on Friday at 11:30 p.m., it might be the size of Tompkins County. But regardless of how many of us deny needing others, we instinctively crave having someone in that bubble. Think about it, you have this one thing that literally no one else has and no one else will ever have: you. When you’re talking it up with that cute brunette at Dunbar’s and she says, “Do you wanna get out of here?”, she’s not saying “I’m horny.” She’s saying, “Listen, you’re cute and funny and I like you right now. I have this thing of mine, it’s very personal and belongs to me … but I want to share it with you for a bit. And maybe, that same thing that you have … I’d like for you to share that with me too.”

Yes, there are some bubbles we wish we hadn’t shared. But 99 percent of the time, that’s retrospective regret. In the heat of the moment, whether the person is unattractive or hot, incredibly nice or totally obnoxious, we wanted something more than just to orgasm. We want to be wanted, even for a short period of time. Every range of hookup is like a relationship, just travel-sized for your convenience. Which is why you should treat every sexcapade (even if it’s only for one night and you never see the other person again) like a mini-date that someone else wanted to go on with you because they obviously like something about you.

My advice to you is this: Appreciate every sexual encounter you have. Understand that every time you share your body, you’re also sharing yourself as a person. The number of people that you share your bubble with does not demean how important that bubble is. Because think about it, when you find your permanent bubble buddy that means the world to you, does it really matter who was there before? No.

I wouldn’t be Donny J. if I didn’t say that I want to go out with a bang (hooray! Last bad sex pun!) But in all seriousness, I want to end by expressing my gratitude for my time here at Sex on Thursdays. Thirteen articles of sharing funny (often satirical) advice and my deepest secrets have made for what has been one of the best parts of my college life. Whether you’ve had sex with no one or with everyone, realize that your sex life is just part of who you are, not who you are. To The Cornell Daily Sun, my editors, Amy O and of course, you the readers, I thank you for this wonderful year. If you haven’t already, may you all find your permanent bubble buddy. Good bye and good luck.