February 10, 2016

GUEST ROOM | To Sext or Not to Sext?

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We all know that living in the age of technology has brought great innovations. like supercomputers, Snapchat and our personal favorite: the sext.

The heartfelt, late-night message “hey” that obviously took time and effort to construct, will often suffice when you’re drunk. But sometimes, it takes a little more than just a booty call to get things rollin’. That’s right, I’m talking about about those steamy convos about what ya wanna do, when ya wanna do it and how things (or people) are going down.

There’s several ways to go about doing this. For beginners, the eggplant and peach emojis are a tame way to steer the conversation in the right direction. For the jokesters out there, make a sexual pun. Your funny bone will help pave the way to the bedroom.

And then there’s the dick pic. Seems like a simple enough concept, a picture of a penis… right? But it turns out that snapping the perfect sexy photograph takes time and lighting, and some people have even made it into artwork. Soraya Doolbaz makes thousands of dollars staging pictures of strangers’ penises and selling them on the Miami art scene.

No one is suggesting dropping big bank on a picture. However, it has recently come to the female population’s attention that our male counterparts are not aware of the proper etiquette when it comes to sexting. So gents, take notes:

1. So just like you don’t sign your Facebook comments with your name like Grandma does, don’t put your face in the dick pic. For obvious reasons, no one wants to have both their dick and face plastered all over the internet when the break-up ends badly. The reasons why your private parts are now public will be awkward to explain to your kids (Good luck, Kim K.!). Keep it sexy, keep it anonymous.

2. Please don’t send unsolicited dick pics. They aren’t cute, no matter the lighting or angle.

3. Be careful what else is visible in the background of a pic … nothing will turn me off more than the sight of a messy room and overflowing trash. Plus, setting the scene matters — doesn’t hurt to light some candles while you’re rubbing your little man.

4. Snapchat is a safer bet than iMessaging, which will sync to the Cloud and possibly make a guest appearance on your dad’s laptop. That’ll make for an awkward Thanksgiving!

Although there’s a certain etiquette to follow when sexting, don’t let that hold you back! Definitely use your discretion and get creative with it. Technology is such a big part of relationships and college hook-up culture these days and it should be used to your advantage.

A dick pic is not necessarily worth a thousand sexy words. A few words of your own show interest and investment in your partner’s pleasure. Sexting builds up anticipation, spices things up in the bedroom and brightens up a day or night for everyone involved.

And with Valentine’s Day around the corner, who doesn’t want to receive a little raunchy ball-sack pic with their teddy bear and flowers? 😉

Valentina Rosenberg is a student at Cornell. Comments may be sent to [email protected]. Guest Room appears periodically this semester.