April 26, 2016

JAIN | Views

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My mom has this interesting habit of sporadically texting me throughout the day. Sometimes her texts are reminders to eat lunch, which weirdly always come around 6 at night, and other times the texts are more inspirational in nature. I’m her smart little boy and she’s always down to remind me. Anyways, the other week I got a bit of a bizarre text from her. She told me that her good friend’s daughter got accepted to Cornell and was visiting to gauge the campus. My mom wanted me to show her and her family around and answer any questions they had. While I can’t say I consider myself the ideal Cornell ambassador, I agreed because it’s my mom and I’m her smart little ambassador.

I met up with her and her family on a particularly sunny day on Central. Random students were laying out on the arts quad, throwing Frisbees, playing Spikeball and doing other crunchy townie activities. I took them around to random buildings, but classes were in session so there wasn’t a whole lot to actually see. Their daughter was planning on being pre-med, so I figured it was important to take her to the library.

Among the many libraries our fine University has to offer, my favorite has always been Olin, partially because of the massive collection of Asian manuscripts and partially because of the impressive views of campus from the upper floor windows. I decided to take them to the highest floor of Olin to get the optimal view of both the slope and all that Ithaca stuff past West Campus.

We exited the elevator and walked right into the sixth  floor stacks. I explained what students did in the stacks besides sex and her parents seemed really excited. Different people kept telling me to stop talking, but I didn’t give in because peer pressure is a slippery slope. As we walked through the rows of books, I couldn’t help but think I was forgetting something. I searched deep inside myself before realizing I had forgotten to show them the view.

We walked over to a window overlooking the arts quad and I loudly exclaimed, “And here are the Views From The 6!” The parents both stared intensely at me. Students all around me stopped typing. The father took off the backpack he was wearing and pulled out a bottle of Hennessy. “What a bizarre thing to carry in a backpack,” I thought to myself. The mother pulled four refrigerator cold glasses from her purse, which in hindsight doesn’t make any sense. The daughter poured us all glasses of Hennessy. It seemed this was not their first rodeo. The father began to shake his ass in ways I’ve never seen. It was one dance that will go down in Olin history for sure. I watched his one dance, all the while with a Hennessy in my hand.

Nah, I’m just kidding. Nothing past the second paragraph actually happened. But, Canadian hip-hop superstar Drake will be releasing his much-anticipated album, Views From The 6, on Friday. Many are calling for this day to be a national holiday, but it seems that will not happen, as the leader of our country is more of a J. Cole guy. Regardless, I will most likely be listening to the album on the sixth floor of Olin all day long. If you’d like to join me or bring me Hennessy, you know where to find me. Also, small disclaimer, the girl my mom wanted to show around is probably going to go to University of Michigan. Hope she knows how bad the views from the sixth floor of the libraries are over there.

Akshay Jain is a junior in the College of Arts & Sciences. He can be reached at [email protected]. College Stuff appears alternate Wednesdays this semester.