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October 31, 2016

What Candy Says About Your Personality

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It’s that time of year again: the end of October, when little kids dressed in costumes excitedly trade candy after a night trick-or-treating, while adults hobble around in the remnants of their guises, hoping to make it home after a night out. Halloween is a sacred time, when America’s youth can revel in sugary fun, while its older, more immature population can come together to pay tribute to vomit and self-depreciation. Most importantly, Halloween is the holiday for those with a sweet tooth.

Answer the questions, calculate your score, then see what your favorite treat says about you!

All of the questions should be answered with a number between 1 and 10. To make it easier for you, as a reader, maybe stick to integers.

1: How much do you hate Mondays?
2: How much of a party animal are you?
3: How much do you care what others think of you?
4: How smart are you?
5: How much do you eat?
6: How much do you sleep?

But wait, there’s more!

Bonuses work a different way. The left option is worth 10, the right one is worth 20.

Bonus 1: Meat or Dairy?
Bonus 2: Gluten… or Nah?
Bonus 3: Books or TV?

And here come the, as my best friend likes to say, CAHNDIES (kah-n-deez)!

Snickers (Score 36-49):
You have that fire, that passion, that energy that pushes you to do great things. But sometimes your feelings overwhelm you, especially when you believe you have been wronged or are just hungry. Yeah, that’s more correct. You’re not you when you’re hungry. So eat a Snickers, calm down and then you’ll be able to get your work done. Phew, glad we got that out of the way.

Reese’s (50-63):
You are a perfect combination of two individually perfect things: kindness and swag. Your love for chocolate shows a tendency to be sweet and nice and all those things, while your desire for peanut-buttery savoriness indicates confidence and sass. Your friends love you and your enemies so-totally hate you. Keep going, because there ain’t nothin’ that’ll stop you.

Chocolate (64-78):
You are classic and you are smooth. There is almost nothing you can’t do and you know it. Normally, this would be terribly frustrating for everyone you know, but somehow, your smoothness also attracts everybody. You are one of the few truly irresistible people.

York (Score 79-92):
You’re the type of person to spend an hour in A.D. White Library doing a crossword. Your taste in candy shows a refined palette that doesn’t require forty pounds of sugar per serving to get those taste buds going. This means you’re mature and responsible, but still enjoy lettin’ loose every so often. However, as someone who is somewhat introverted and shy, you open up to few people and maintain a small circle of close, trustworthy friends.

Sour Patch (93-106):
You are wild and you are free. Like the Patch Kids in the commercials, you’re a bit unpredictable — sometimes kind, sometimes not, sometimes gone. Who knows? But your unpredictability makes you unique, exciting and a fun person to be around.

Twizzlers (107-120):
You like to twist and shout. You are outgoing and exuberant, enjoying all the little things in life. You are extremely charismatic and always know how to lift people’s spirits. Though you’re not the most book smart, your street smarts will definitely take you places.