October 1, 2017

MORADI | In Response to Your Inquiry on How I’m Doing

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Well, I just stress ate a good third of my friend’s leftover birthday cake. I haven’t gone on my daily run in several days, and my period is a good four days early. I’m not pregnant, but what if I wanted to be? Gah! I haven’t finished updating my resume from this summer. For the past week I’ve woken up with intense back pain every morning. I messaged my former crush from high school and still no response. My housemate broke her wrist at our intramural soccer game, which isn’t really anything that affects me especially because I have done very little to help her out, even though I should… damn. I think I’m allergic to something in my house because my left eye gets red and swollen every night. I forgot to take my prescribed vitamin D this week. I ate a BLTease for lunch/dinner three times last week, despite only truly having enough money for a “cheese sandwich.” I can’t control the thermostat in my apartment so as a heat source I’ve been boiling water, putting it in a jar or mug and just holding it. I made a fake list of complaints (e.g. “Anum smells,” “Pegah is too perfect”) on our refrigerator whiteboard and no one mentioned anything about it so now it just looks kind of stupid. On top of it all, I’m behind on my pods!

On the other hand, I just did a somersault for the first time in a while. I mean, if you compare the frequency of our somersaulting from back when we were, like, below the age of 10 to now, it’s actually kind of striking. I also played hide and seek with my housemate with the broken wrist, and she couldn’t find me, even though our apartment is pretty small, so that was pretty funny, but also a little concerning. Does the wrist connect to the brain somehow? Nevermind. I mentioned the whiteboard to her to see if she noticed and she was like, “yeah,” with no other commentary, so I guess she didn’t think it was funny. OK. I mean, that’s fine.

Sorry for rambling. Wait, no! I didn’t mean to apologize. You know how women are socialized to be overly apologetic and stuff. Anyways, I’m rambling. It’s just that I haven’t really talked to anyone in a while, except for my roommate with the broken wrist. She’s been watching a lot of Glee and I’m trying to decide whether I liked Glee ironically or genuinely. Speaking of, there’s no way Rachel can commute from Jersey to the city for class every day. I feel like the writers just wanted her to have a really big apartment and the only way they could justify it alongside rising rents was to put her in New Jersey. I think my rural hometown is also being gentrified, actually. They opened a mediterranean fast-casual DC-based chain nearby recently.

I don’t know if you can tell, but my acne medication is making my face crumble. You probably can’t I guess because I moisturized a lot, but it’s still itchy, you know? I’m trying to figure out how I can stop it but I can’t call my dermatologist because they have weird hours. I mean not truly weird hours, more like they have normal hours and I’m too scared to have to talk to them on the phone, so in the meantime I’ve just been using my mini-humidifier to see if that does anything. My friend and I jokingly made a SMART goal to find me a husband or something by the end of this semester, but I guess that’s not gonna work out with this crumbling-face situation. I think it’s because it’s much dryer here than it is back home, but apparently my hair didn’t get the memo! I need a haircut, honestly, especially because I tried cutting bangs for myself a while ago and I messed up my hair even more so now I can’t put it back without looking slightly like a cockatiel. I’m sure you’ve seen the recent Monkey Haircut content? I can’t wait until we Milkshake Duck the Monkey Haircut. Actually, I definitely saw something about how the monkey in the video is probably not being cared for properly. A Vice article, maybe? There’s some really interesting research being done on internet virality and animal welfare.

So that’s how I’m doing, more or less. Thanks for asking. You?


Pegah Moradi is a junior in the College of Arts and Sciences. She can be reached at [email protected]. All Jokes Aside appears alternate Mondays this semester.