Life’s too short to have vanilla sex. Now, I like to live fast and hard, so maybe this mantra is just a reflection of my lifestyle, but I have a feeling that there are a lot of kinky souls relating to this right now. For me, it goes back to my first kiss.
I was 18 (I know, so much for living fast and hard), but to be fair, having to handle two dominating parents and a course load full of APs on top of a myriad of extracurricular activities was a true cock-block. Anyways, I was 18, and after many summer evenings of eye-fucking a hot guy at my country club’s gym, he finally asked me out. We went out for lunch during his work break the next day. Thirty minutes later we were making out in the back of my Mercedes. Ten minutes after that, I was at lying on naked on his bed blindfolded with a navy blue Hermes tie.
It is of no surprise that first sexual experience shaped the way I view this erotic carnal quest. I love the idea of sweet, loving, missionary sex, but personally, I know that’s not enough for me. Not sure how to bring up kinky play with your partner? Try watching a movie that you know contains a kinky sex scene and casually bring it up, send your partner a link to a light bondage for beginners article, and if worse comes to worse, send them a “Choke Me Daddy” meme and caption it: Let’s try this. For the readers that relate, here’s my five-step guide for breaking into kinky sex.
1: Establish your boundaries
If you only remember one rule about bondage, this is the one. Without mutual consent, trust, and communication, light bondage will not be safe nor fun for both parties, and you’ll have yet another reason to hate Christian Grey. Here, I suggest establishing a safe word, which should be a word you don’t use frequently during sex and that won’t ruin the mood.
2: Blindfolding
I absolutely love controlling all aspects of my life, so being blindfolded makes the surrender intoxicatingly sweet. Personally, I find silk ties to be not only spontaneously raunchy, but also very convenient. If you want to elevate your experience, I suggest velvet blindfolds to incorporate texture-play in your adventure. Take turns dominating and surrendering yourself, focus on using your other senses, and then mimic your favorite sensations on your partner. It will drive them wild.
3: Light Bondage
The idea here isn’t to tie your partner up and then finish yourself off in two minutes. It’s not about you — it’s about them. Tease your partner until he or she begs for mercy: gently (or not-so gently) bite his inner thigh before wrapping your lips around him, lick your way down her belly, guide his hands to skim your hot zones, passionately press your body into hers… the possibilities are endless. Listen and feel your partner’s reactions and use this feedback to send anticipatory shockwaves through their body — just make sure the restraints don’t cut off circulation and you don’t leave them unattended.
4: Sexting
There’s something exhilarating about sending your S.O .a nude, yet these pictures get a bad rap. Here, it’s vital to draw the distinction between a naughty picture shared with a partner with whom you’ve established a rapport and a stranger sending you unsolicited dick pictures. The first is an ephemeral erotic image that has the power to stimulate and arouse your partner from the other side of campus. The last is a public nuisance.
When sending nudes, I strongly urge you to block out your face, but other than that, incorporate your own style into them to make them truly unique! Use mirrors to enhance your exposure, add heat by using dirty talk, sprinkle eggplant emojis — in short, go wild!
5: Dress-up
Women swear by the indispensability of a little black dress, but really, everyone should own a little black lingerie set. You can start off at Victoria’s Secret then slowly discover the lavishness of handmade Italian lingerie, or break your bank account on your first set. Bottom line, do yourself a favor and dress up. Yes, your partner may be turned on by this, yes he or she will be pleasantly confused while taking the lacey garments off of you, but this tip is actually all about you. For a moment in your day, you’ll feel like a beautiful, hot, sex goddess, so go for it, turn yourself on!
To sum up, enjoy yourself! This guide, while a great introduction to kinky adventures, is not all encompassing, so if you explore and discover something mind-blowing, invite me.
Veuve Cliq-Hoe is a student at Cornell University. Fire & Ice and Cherries in the Snow appears monthly this semester.