I was in CTB last week finishing up an essay when the song “Slow Motion” by Trey Songz came up. Normally, a throwback track like this wouldn’t incite so much nostalgia and excitement in me, but this song took me back to one of my favorite hook up memories. The summer before I began Cornell, I went from having my first kiss to showing up to my summer fling’s house wearing nothing but lingerie and high heels.
Walking from his driveway to the front door, I remember that song bursting from inside of the house and my heart racing in anticipation of his surprise when he opened the door. He went absolutely crazy. Within seconds, I had goosebumps running down my thighs and moans pouring out of my glossed lips while the speakers spilled the chorus.
So, imagine me sitting in CTB, flushed and horny, thinking back to my best no-strings-attached hook up. I couldn’t help but compare this guy to my most recent hook ups, which isn’t entirely fair considering he was older and definitely more experienced than my Cornell flings. Yet, his mature casual sex etiquette is something more people in college could replicate.
With this in mind, I put my essay and avocado toast aside and came up with a few suggestions to refine your casual sex bedside manners. After all, without a little trust and politeness, what’s my incentive to show up at your place wearing nothing under my Canada Goose?
Tip #1: Consent
As with anything sex, consent is crucial. Before, during and after.
Tip #2: Your place or mine?
Some things to consider are: bed size, noise level (especially considering roommates), having condoms ready, clean sheets, and even post-sex snacks. Also, don’t flake last minute — nobody liked to shave their whole body and hype themselves up to be stood up.
Tip #3: Sex Playlist
Ad-free music because I had a hot flashback to a Trey Songz song, not a acne solution ad. My playlist favorites are: The Weeknd, Jeremih, Drake, Travis Scott, dvsn, Bazzi, Niykee Heaton, and CNCO.
Tip #4: Reciprocity
An eye for an eye might leave the whole world blind, but head for head is a must in bed.
Tip #5: Condoms
Assume condoms are a must and always have some available — this goes for both parties.
Tip #6: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
This is a tricky one. Personally, I consider it rude for a guy to leave right after having sex, but others may feel differently. I also hate imposing myself on the guy, so I make a habit of asking if they’re comfortable with me staying the night after sex. A simple, “hey is it cool for me to sleep over tonight?” should suffice. Plus, think of the mid-night sex possibilities!
Tip #7: The Morning After
In life, but especially in sex, I strongly urge you to carry mints everywhere. Second, if you wake up before the other person, don’t leave like a bandit. Either nudge them and whisper goodbye, or wait until they wake up. Didn’t your parents teach you that leaving without saying goodbye is rude? Third, offer to clean up the condoms/wrappers/tissues/chains/ropes/etc. Lastly, morning sex?
Tip #8: Gratefulness
I’m a firm believer that keeping things casual requires some emotional distancing, but if I initiated the sex, and you had a great time with me last night, I want you to say it. If you can take 15 minutes to thank the Goldman Sachs recruiter who won’t even remember your existence via email, you can text the person whose genitals you intimately interacted with back within 24 hours as well.
Tip #9: Great Expectations
Don’t expect more from casual sex than casual sex. Don’t expect brunch, good-morning texts, PDA or for the other person to tell you they “love” you. That being said, unless you both agreed to keep your no-strings fling secret, do acknowledge each other in public — anything other than this is awkward and rude.
Honestly, there’s nothing more liberating than keeping sex casual. It’s a thrill keeping my men in rotation, but a bad bedside manner is definitely a deal-breaker, so don’t overthink it, but also refine your casual sex etiquette. Who knows, maybe we’ll have more frisky people showing up naked to each other’s houses in Collegetown.
Veuve Cliq-Hoe is a student at Cornell University. Fire & Ice and Cherries in the Snow appears monthly this semester.