I recently realized that not having penetrative sex means I engage in a lot of foreplay. And since this usually goes on for an hour for me, I was shocked to learn that foreplay generally lasts for about 15 minutes. Foreplay is an art. It’s one of the most important things to do to ensure an enjoyable time. So if you want to impress someone you’ve been hooking up with for a while, or you just want to be more prepared for the next time around, here are some ways to make sure you bring your A-game:
- Sext during the day
Having a memorable night depends a lot on the build-up. This doesn’t necessarily mean sending nudes to your partner during their 10:10 lecture. A text, ranging from “I can’t wait to see you tonight” to “I’m going to rip your clothes off,” will suffice.
- The Naked Man
Remember that episode of How I Met Your Mother where the gang learns about The Naked Man? If hooking up is definitely on the table, strip down whenever the person you’re with leaves the room for a few minutes. Has this worked for me? Yes. Did I get one of my favorite moves from a sitcom? Also yes. (Disclaimer: I repeat. Make sure hooking up is definitely on the table. Nothing warrants skipping consent).
- The Semi-Naked Man
If flashing someone isn’t the right move for you, be creative about getting naked. Try to take off their clothes without your hands, and use your teeth instead. Or perform a lil’ strip tease. Show up in lingerie. The possibilities here are endless.
- Making Out
Never underestimate the importance of kissing. A steamy makeout sesh sets the tone for the rest of the night. Nibble on their lips and then kiss their neck. Work your way down to tease them around more erogenous zones. Fun psychology fact: if you kiss every time you come, you’ll start to associate it with orgasming, so eventually even a peck can turn you on.
- Talk Dirty
I’m a huge fan of dirty talk. I’m unfortunately also very bad at it. I know exactly what to do: grab their hair, pull them close, bite their ear, and then whisper every carnal thing you’ve ever wanted to do to them. And while I can visualize everything I want to do, I fail to put it into words. If you’re anything like this, I 10/10 recommend watching porn together. It’ll give you some ideas about what to say or even turn you on enough that you can skip the dirty talk altogether.
- Talk. Period.
Not everyone’s good at reading body language. Do you wish the lights were a bit dimmer? Is your leg cramping up? Do you need a five second break to catch your breath? Say it! Taking a minute to express how you’re feeling will make the next 29 minutes so much better. After all, you didn’t shave your legs to have a night full of awkward sex and regret.
For the love of all that is good, please buy lube. I don’t care if you personally don’t need it because eventually, someone will. There’s no such thing as a one-size-fits-all for lubes, but something water-based is the safest. It’s the least likely to cause an allergic reaction, is less sticky and won’t degrade any silicone-based sex toys or latex condoms.
It’s not every Saturday night that I want to put effort into hooking up. Usually, I want to blow off steam in a way that requires no planning or thought. But if you’re getting a little bored of the same old thing, I hope these tips make your next night in go from good to great.
Sexless in Seattle is a student at Cornell University. The Virgin Diaries runs monthly.