Hi, it’s your arts editors here. Today, we would like to talk about art you can enjoy to enhance your Valentine’s Day experience. Jeremy will be writing from the single (alone) perspective, and Pete . . . well . . . he’s happily in a relationship. Can you tell we ran out of content to publish today? Well if you can, blame Pete. This whole thing was his idea. So here we go . . . Presenting Pete and Jeremy’s Valentine’s Spectacular.
Most of my single time (read: all the time) is spent in my dorm. What’s great about my room is that the walls are so pristinely off-white. Perfect for staring at during Valentine’s Day.
There’s something magical about a blank wall. I used to have a poster on it, but it fell off and broke, which really isn’t a metaphor for anything. The remnant Command hooks are no longer holding anything up, including my motivation for this semester. So I’m really looking forward to Valentine’s Day.
I also like listening to Eminem’s songs about shitty relationships. They console me.
Wow, Jeremy — that was poetic . . . I mean pathetic. Now for all of you cuffed folks out there, here is some actual fun art for this beautiful February day.
I heard Big Mouth came out with a Valentine’s Day special. This is what I will be watching as I cuddle with my significant other tomorrow — however, if you are more in the mood for a more romantic experience, might I suggest the Oscar-winning (in my heart) Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds feature, The Proposal. There is nothing more romantic than watching a naked, wet Bullock and Reynolds collision. To accompany this film, I recommend Haribo Gummy Bears. You can console each other on the toilet tomorrow.
Peter Buonanno is a taken sophomore in the College of Arts and Sciences. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Jeremy Markus is a single, five-seven-and-a-half freshman in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences who can bench press 180 lbs. He can be reached at email@example.com.