“Hope you like bad boys because I’m bad at everything!”
Ugh … I don’t know why I go on Tinder. The pickup lines are so corny that rolling my eyes becomes an involuntary response. Plus, I’m not really interested in hookups, and it seems like everyone on Tinder has a strong “hit it and quit it” mentality. And yet, I keep scrolling … maybe because I wishfully think that one day I may blindly swipe and stumble across someone who shares my intimate vision of a life-long commitment. Or maybe I’m just bored.
Either way, it serves as a sexy distraction. I had swiped right on this guy. I didn’t really think anything of it at the time, but when he messaged me I was in a candid mood. We immediately added each other on Snapchat. And then, we talked about our sexual history and the experience (or lack thereof) that we both had. We shared our preferred sexual power dynamic. He preferred a dominant position. I preferred a submissive one. Hmm … So far so good. I tried my hardest to keep it cool, even though I could feel my body waking up.
Then finally, the snap I had nervously been awaiting: “have you ever sexted before?;)”
My eyes widened and I looked away from my phone, feeling shy and embarrassed. I started pacing. I took a deep breath and sat on my bed. Oh my God, it’s happening. It’s happening. Okay, calm down. Everybody shut up!
… I mean the answer to his question was no, but I desperately wanted to be sexy for him. He was kind of cute, and he wanted me. But before we started, I needed to conduct some thorough research. I quickly googled “how to sext,” and was able to get some tips and tricks under my belt. I took a deep breath.
I can do this. I can be sexy.
We started chatting; I told him what I was wearing: A Victoria Secret midnight blue thong and a t-shirt. He responded, “fuck are you serious? that’s fucking hot. i’d be all over that.”
Wow, he’s really into it! I was actually wearing my sweatsuit and my ugliest pair of briefs. But he didn’t need to know that.
“oh shit. i’m so hard for you right now. do you wanna see?”
… Uhhh, YES PLEASE.
“yeah, sure…” I snapped back as if I received nudes on the daily.
He sent me a dick pic. And then a dick vid. It was beautiful. I laid down on my bed staring at my phone in wonder. I let it sink in that … dude wants me. I started masturbating about to snap back, but then he went on. He told me what he would do to me. “i’d lay you down on the bed and go down on you. i’d wrap my arms around your legs and lick you until you scream and beg me to stop. then i’d pull out my dick.”
LOL … my turn, I guess.
I started typing “… at first i would just lick the tip. but then i’d look into your eyes and start sucking your dick sooo hard.”
I know, the language was weak, but it’s hard to think when you’re that horny. It was so nerve-racking watching his little bitmoji pop up on the screen. But it was like I could feel him. I could feel him reading my words and playing with himself. I knew he was close to the edge. He started typing.
“… then i’d put it in you and start fucking you.”
I jumped in, curious about his preference. “would you go fast or slow?”
“i’d go slow at first so you can feel all of me, but then i’d go crazy on you.”
My eyes rolled back after seeing that. FUCK.
We went on — I was on my back thoroughly reading everything, rapidly typing what I’d do to him and anxiously awaiting his reactions and his own erotic narrative. By the time we both finished, we were exhausted. We quickly and awkwardly said goodnight to each other, and I rolled over on my bed. I had just fucked an older man, 22 years old. I crawled back to my phone to text my best friend that I had just made a grown man cum with my words. I bit my lip and realized how powerful I felt. I was glowing! Our little back and forth gave me the chance to pause and have a quick-release amidst all the mental stress that has been plaguing me lately. It’s so important to take some time off every once in a while, and although I had never before struck success with dating apps, this past sext session was surely just what I had needed.
Helpless Lover Girl is a student at Cornell University. Comments can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org. Dopamine Overdose runs monthly this summer. Sex on Thursday appears alternate Thursdays.