My favorite commercials growing up were the ones that had daddies having to take Viagra or Cialis. Besides being able to stare at the throb-inducing older men, I would always think about how much it will suck when I’ll no longer be able to get hard. I always thought it would happen later in life, but I was in for quite the shock when I learned that it could happen as soon as like, last December when I had to yank on my dick for 20 minutes while a guy laid next to me — ready to bottom — because I couldn’t stay hard.
Being unable to get hard is a miserable experience. While you might be hornier than ever, your body refuses to cooperate. At first, I was horrified to think that erectile dysfunction had happened to me much sooner than it should’ve. The questions began forming in my mind. Had I been watching too much porn? Had I fallen so in love with bottoming that I couldn’t get hard for topping anymore? Would I have to come to terms that I am to remain a bottom bitch?
Over the course of this past year, my questions began to dissipate when multiple men of all different sizes and ages were also unable to stay hard. They would eventually lie down in defeat, covered in sweat and the disappointment would glaze over their eyes. I, on the other hand, laid there, relishing in relief. I, Dick N. Diaz, was not alone in my struggles to remain hard.
Before this goes any farther, let me clarify that this happens with straight guys too, and just as often, if not more. I have had to talk to several of my lady friends this past month alone because they are shocked and confused by their partner’s inability to stay hard, to cum or to even be willing to talk about their dick issues. Guys, we are failing as good partners! Do we not recognize our sexual partners as actual humans? Do we forget that they are also in bed with us to achieve satisfaction and pleasure? I am here to lay out some ground rules for how to handle your struggles in bed so that everyone feels comfortable and secure when things go soft.
- As I was alluding to before, it is ok if you can’t get hard. It is natural, and it can be associated with a lot of different things. For example, chronic stress can mess up our circulatory and hormonal systems. Seeing that we’re in a pandemic, I can assume that we all face stress in some capacity on a daily basis, thus impacting our ability to be Mr. Pound Town.
- Talk to your partner. Please don’t just sit there flustered and pissed that your schlong isn’t a throbbing shtick. Let your partner know it’s not them. Let them know that you’re just not able to perform right then and there. Let them know that you’re fine and can keep moving on with your time with them.
- This is the most important rule. Don’t end things there! I repeat, don’t end the sex session because you aren’t going to get anything out of it. Talk to your partner and see how they want to get off. Blow them. Eat their pussy. Eat their ass. Finger bang them. There are still so many sexual acts that can still be performed.
- If you are unable to get hard multiple times in a row, consider it an area of improvement. Talk to your doctor about it. Take some time for reflection. Readjust your expectations for sex. Take steps to be more comfortable in bed. All these situations are on a case-by-case basis depending on the individual, and each will have their own solutions.
- If you are the person on the other end of this struggle, please know it’s not you. Please know you are sexy and a catch. I would give you two bits of advice: Be understanding and accepting that the other individual can’t perform, and, if the other individual is unable to talk about their struggles with you, know that they are walled off about their sexual performance and accept that work will have to be done to get to a healthier level of communication — if you want to put in the effort.
Getting hard can sometimes be a struggle — that’s normal. Rather than failing to acknowledge it because of social pressure, take this opportunity to be vulnerable. Vulnerability can be sexy, especially with someone who is very interested in helping you get off. Use this time to grow as a person and as a partner. Sex always involves experimentation, but it’s the most fun experimentation out there, so get to it.
Dick N. Diaz is a student at Cornell University. Comments can be sent to [email protected]. His Sex on Thursday column runs alternate Thursdays this semester.