Due to numerous performers pulling out to perform in Yale’s annual Spring Fling for the added clout, the Slope Day Programming Board has announced in an interesting twist that the McGraw Tower, better known by its moniker Bingalee Dingalee, will come alive to headline this year’s festival with a three-hour set, gifting the campus with even more of its amazing chimes and providing a fun and COVID-friendly experience for all. The board also announced that Bingalee Dingalee will be the only artist performing as a result of recent budget cuts due to the constant repaving of the roads leading to Robert Purcell Community Center. “The tower’s sentience is a gift to all of us,” President Martha Pollack said in a statement, “especially now that we don’t have to pay any sort of fee for the performance. 2010 was a good year, if you ignore the recession.”
The tower’s sentient status came as a surprise to some. “I’ll admit I didn’t see this coming,” Marie Juana Indica ’23 told The Sun. “Still, I guess now is a better time than ever for us to find out about it. Maybe all of us will collapse afterward from pandemic-induced stress and weed-use and think it was just a collective fever dream.”
Others were elated. “This is the culmination of the prophecy we have been proclaiming for decades,” said Joseph Smith ’21, leader of the Magick Temple of Bingalee Dingalee. “Bingalee has been revealing hints of its sentience for years. How else do you think the pumpkin gets there every year?” Before The Sun could continue asking questions, the members of the temple ran off to engage in their daily round of devotion and worship of their flying oblong savior.
Bingalee Dingalee’s setlist has not been revealed yet, but any songs will undoubtedly be performed by the chimes. The role of the chimes masters in all of this has yet to be determined, though, since it seems that Bingalee Dingalee may very well take care of that part itself. “It’s kind of sad to be out of a job,” said Fae Accompli ’22. “Still, at least Bingalee is happy.” The songs themselves will probably consist of 2010s throwback songs, including Rebecca Black’s “Friday,” Dua Lipa’s “Levitating,” and Psy’s “Gangnam Style,” along with a number of surprises. “Apparently, Bingalee has begun to dabble in atonal and industrial music in its latest rehearsals. It should be amazing,” Accompli told The Sun.
In the midst of all of this, Bingalee Dingalee could not be reached for comment, as it was too busy enjoying flying through the air like a friendly missile.
This piece is part of The Sun’s April 20 joke issue series. For more, visit https://cornellsun.com/category/four-twenty/twentyone/.