To the Editor:
If there’s one phrase that makes me think of college, it’s definitely “find yourself.” I know this sounds strange, but I’m here to show the world the definitely real truth about Bill Nye’s college experience. Surprisingly, Bill Nye entered Cornell having not yet “found himself.” Believe it or not, Bill entered Cornell in the Dyson school as a business major, and after working for hours in Mann library, became known as Bill Nye the BusinessMann. After being rejected from every business club on campus — despite his ability to make beautiful powerpoints that he considered to be a form of artwork and mode of personal expression — Nye decided to dabble in the humanities.
He eased himself into the field by taking English classes. Though he wasn’t particularly drawn to any literary works, he developed an unrivaled and somewhat annoying knack for rhyme, as he was captivated by verse poetry, becoming known as Bill Nye the English Guy. He was then advised to try writing for The Sun by a professor. After a brief period of confusion as Nye wondered how the written word could traverse 93 million miles from the Earth to the Sun, he finally realized that The Sun was the student newspaper. Which, might I say, ended up being a little too hot for him. After this brief stint at The Sun, a fellow writer suggested Nye try astronomy or physics, but Nye insisted he continue his pursuit of the humanities.
A friend suggested that he try a government major where he could focus on environmental policy. After all, his name was Bill, so he should focus on both the passing of Bills and the Bill of Rights. Amidst his government classes a professor told him something along these lines of “In America bills never pass,” and so deathly afraid of failure Bill decided to give up the study of government after a few days and try anthropology where neither grades nor social constructs existed.
So how then did Nye become the science guy we know and love? Nye took an anthropology class about the interactions between human society and science, and after staring out the window at the sun out of boredom, he began doodling on his paper. He wrote down “Bill Nye The Science Guy” and he liked the sound of it. The rest is history.
A Humanities Gal