During my time within the Monastery of Saint Martin the Merciful, I have often noticed within The Sun’s pages a disproportionate amount of space devoted to extolling the pleasures of physical (and needless to say, premarital) contact and detailing shameless and blatant sexual escapades. While I do not chastise these souls for their conduct, I cannot help but feel that they (and by extension, all of you) are in need of some proper guidance on how to experience pleasure while following a pious life.
Of course, this obstacle to a pious life arises since so many of us are drawn to what is completely physical, delivering an immediate sensation that one believes is tantamount to the joy of communicating with God, but which vanishes as soon as it finishes. This is obviously the orgasm, which (so I’ve heard from many regretful testimonies), while fleeting, is dangerous; each one brings you further down a path of physical fulfillment and nothing more. Allow me to remind you of the words of the Gospel of Saint Luke: “woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort.” This statement rings just as true here — and furthermore, so many seem to be obsessed with the most random people, including someone called the “science guy” that everyone seems to absolutely revere. I can’t seem to find anything else about him anywhere.
But back to the task at hand: while satisfaction of the body proves to be quite nice while it lasts, it is no match against the true key to pleasure in a pious life: fervor. Fervor emerges from communicating with God and carrying out His work on earth, both unto yourself and unto others. To be in true communion with Him, allowing Him to fill every space within you as you extol His virtues, leaves you with a feeling of pure ecstasy and satisfaction greater than that of any physical experience. Fervor is the soul’s orgasm, bringing with it the promise of salvation.
So, the next time any of you want to find that special someone and “satisfy yourselves like street dogs,” take a moment to reflect and remember that those earthly pleasures, besides leading you away from piety, are not even the best pleasures you can experience in your life. God can do anything for you if you just let Him work His magic on you; as someone who does so with every precious moment, I guarantee it is a vastly superior alternative.