March 8, 2023

SEX ON THURSDAY | It’s Not You, It’s Me

Print More

Though I like to think that most of my friends on campus are single, I do have many friends in long-term, committed relationships. In fact, I know a small handful of girls whose boyfriends have graduated in the past year, and they’re still together long distance.

Right now, I can practically see you all sweating as you read this; just dying to know what happened in my love life over the past two weeks for me to be writing like this. Was dear Virginia scooped up by some terribly lucky man who has no clue what he’s in for?

Don’t worry — I haven’t bagged a boyfriend in the 14 days since you last heard from me. Cue the applause. 

All this goes to say, sometimes (or most of the time), it feels like all the decent men on this campus have a girlfriend. I often think to myself, if a guy on this campus isn’t in a relationship, there has to be something wrong with him. 

Sometimes, my theory rings true. A decent-to-average-looking guy with no girlfriend usually has one (or several!) of the following: a crappy personality, a mean streak, a problematic past, a fear of commitment and/or a sex addiction. 

On a side note, I also think particular men at schools like Cornell are reluctant to date because they think they’re too smart for it. In their eyes, they’re content with finding a girl in their senior year to settle down with, using their first few years on campus to stay unattached. This type of guy sees a relationship as a waste of time and energy, something you only do when you want something long-term. 

Some of these guys don’t even date in college at all, convinced that once they’re twenty-seven with way too much time and money on their hands, the right woman to shack up with will come traipsing by. Again, this is probably just something I’ve made up, but I have interacted with men like this on many occasions. 

All that being said, I’ve been doing some even deeper thinking recently.

I assume there’s something wrong with most single men, but what about me, a single woman? Am I the problem?

It’s been almost three years since I’ve had a boyfriend, and I’ve barely dated since coming to college. Do I land in one of the aforementioned categories that make me undateable? Besides the “sex addict” category, of course.

Since this epiphany, I’ve been assessing the way I act toward men. Am I a little too mean at times? Probably. Should I really text back that semi-cute guy who’s asked me out three times now? Probably. Will I be proactive and solve either of these issues? Probably not.

Am I displaying a fear of commitment? Am I purposefully pushing men away? I complain so much about them, but what is the explanation for my relationship status? Surely all the good men being taken isn’t the only reason I’m single.

I’ve been picky, I’ve been mean, and I’ve shied away from perfectly dateable guys. If Cornell men think they’re too smart to date, maybe Cornell women (or just me…) believe they are too smart as well, but in a different way. We’re too proud and well-rounded to set for anything less than we deserve. However, I’ve found that if you wait around for perfection, you’ll find yourself alone.

It wouldn’t be in my nature to settle, so I don’t think my behavior will change any time soon. On the other hand, I can be a little more lenient (emphasis on a little) toward the single men on this campus. I’d feel really crappy if men assumed that I have some fatal flaw just because I haven’t been in a relationship for a few years.

Then again, maybe I do. Maybe it’s not them—it’s me.

Nah. Probably not.

Virginia Snatch is a student at Cornell University. Comments can be sent to [email protected]The Slip ‘N Slide runs during alternate Sex on Thursdays this semester.