We all know that with March comes the celebration of Women’s History Month. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for inspiring women to speak their truth and become history-makers, but there is one truth that I believe has been shamefully overlooked for generations of Women’s History Months, and it is time to shed light on the issue: Women and all individuals with a vagina deserve to receive pleasurable oral sex (if desired, of course), and not everyone — I would argue, hardly anyone — comes out of the womb performing Grade A cunnilingus. It is a learned skill that requires instruction and continuous refining based on the preferences of your partner.
Rest assured, I am not about to deliver 600 words of extreme-feminist critique of heterosexual male partners, too masked by their societally fueled superiority complexes and self-consciousness to ask their vagina-having partner if their tongue is working the right magic below the waist (although, that is a problem). On the contrary, I believe that this issue is double-sided; the fault of both the giver and the receiver.
Ladies, coochie masters, vulva proprietors: It is time for us to speak up in the bedroom. Whether fear stems from insulting your partner, worrying that you’re the one doing something wrong, or anything else under the sun, nothing is worth faking an orgasm or staring deadpan at the ceiling until your performer feels they’ve completed their task. You are the queen of your own castle, and you’re the one with the clitoral nerve endings. So be bossy. If your partner truly cares, they will be glad to make changes for the sake of your pleasure. It’s not like anybody wants to give bad head. Plus, it is unfair of us to assume that every partner we have is going to be flawless on the first go around; it’s not like sucking a dick is easy on the first try, and male genitalia doesn’t even feature a hidden sex organ that takes maps and a compass just to locate.
Now, to all of the bedroom philanthropists out there, don’t be afraid to ask your partner what does and does not tickle their fancy (literally). Asking for help is not embarrassing, and vulnerability for the sake of your partner can be super sexy. Munching box is not a skill anyone learns in school, and those of us with labias understand and are happy to guide you. We don’t like receiving bad oral any more than you like giving bad oral.
Be warned, just because a partner possesses a vagina themself does not make them more qualified to give earth-shattering head than someone lacking the feminine flower. A female partner may have a slightly easier time locating the magic, mythical climax trigger, but at the end of the day, each vagina is unique and requires its own set of pleasure tricks. Just because you have a vagina doesn’t mean you know how someone else’s works, so you still need to ask.
Back to Women’s History Month: I am formally tasking anyone with a vagina who will be participating in oral sex to give their partner one piece of advice that would make the experience more pleasurable on the receiving end. On the flip side, those providing the service should make it their mission to learn one new trick that really makes your partner tick. If you don’t fall into either of these categories, invest in a new self-pleasure hobby. It is time for us to bash fear and embarrassment-littered stigma around vaginal oral sex; the clit is real, and it is important. Besides, finishing is feminist.
Annie Position is a student at Cornell University. Comments can be sent to [email protected]. The Sin Series runs on alternate Thursdays this semester.