March 28, 2024

SEX ON THURSDAY | We Must Get Rid of Hickey Culture

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Long passionate French kissing, our sweaty bodies grinding against each other, everything was perfect. He started to go down and kiss my neck and I was overdosing on oxytocin. 

His warm lips and soft small kisses turned into long impassioned ones; I was having a blast. I was feeling generous and decided to indulge in the art of my famous fellatio — he couldn’t last more than 10 minutes without finally giving me some sweet “secret sauce.” Of course, some aftercare kisses were needed for good measure. 

It was a pretty solid Thursday night hookup, I would have rated it an eight out of 10. That was until he pulled away from kissing and gave me a weird look like looking at my neck, and, as luck would have it, it was like the scene of a crime. A thick and dark spot had already formed, he had given me a giant hickey. 

I am writing to you now with my battle scar haunting me still, believe it or not this is the second one in a week. A WEEK! And no, it was not from the same guy. 

The next day I headed to my classes, mostly seminars with 10 people or less, and I could notice the looks — I would even call them glares — from my fellow classmates and professors. “Was this a friend? “ one of my class friends asked jokingly. It was worse than being caught in the middle of it, at least then you can cover up and pretend nothing happened. Don’t get me wrong, I am not ashamed of it, I think we have already established I am a proud wh*re. However, I am a private wh*re, I do not need my professor to know I did a guy. 

Hickey’s are effectively c*ckblocking you, at least from seeing any other person. Unless you have the courage to be really bold(I would never show up to a date/hook up with a hickey given to me by someone else). The second guy told me verbatim it was on purpose to “mark me” which, to me, was toeing the line between hot and odd more than I would’ve liked. If we are not exclusive, you have no business “marking” me, you are not a dog and I am not a tree you pee on.

Even if we were to normalize this possessive behavior from a casual recurring hook up, we should at least put it in a more fun place, the neck is a little too played out. I had an ex who loved giving me hickeys on my cheeks — no, not my face, the other cheeks — and I enjoyed those a whole lot more. Easy to hide from the public eye and largely not uncomfortable made for a great compromise for us. 

On a more practical level, hickeys don’t do anything for me. Sure, the idea of them might seem hot sometimes, but the reality is that they are just not arousing. They are very different from neck kisses slowly teasing your skin, touting you to inch closer, working you up. Hickeys on the other hand are just an uncomfortable sucking motion that feels as if your neck is being sucked off by a wet vacuum, and if that idea turns you on I am a little scared of you. 

So please, I am asking nicely, stop giving people — especially me — hickeys. I would much prefer c*m stains from what I can’t catch with my mouth, please. 

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