I just had to do one of the hardest things I’ve done in a long time — breaking things off with a man I’ve wanted for months.
For all my Stevie Dicks fans out there, remember my debut article about poems? Well, I met the guy I wrote the article about at a party last semester, and things worked out (not at first, but eventually)! We went on a date the last day I was on campus during finals week, and it went … rather horribly.
During the date, he seemed rather uninterested in what I had to say and would tell stories about other hookups. That is crazy behavior. Despite my growing resentment towards him, I still wanted to have sex with him. Don’t blame me, I was a horny freak last semester and I knew he would be some good D after hearing all the stories about how much of a promiscuous feller he is. I invited him to my dorm after with the only intention of getting my freak on. While in my bed, the sparks started flying. Our chemistry grew, leading to some pretty awesome sex!
The next day, with everything moved out of my dorm (including my sheets!), we had sex once again on the notorious blue dorm mattress. I was sad to leave school, uncertain of what the long time apart would do to us.
Quite unfortunately I did start to develop feelings for him (minimal, but still there). Over the summer at my super boring internship, I often thought about our possible future together over the upcoming semester.
And at the beginning of the fall, things picked up where we had left them. We started off strong, going on dates and having sleepovers. He even met some of my friends, and I some of his. But the glitter started fading quickly.
He started texting me less, only asked me to hang out at night while drunk and never made time to see me during the day. Sometimes I found myself sad for what I thought was no reason, but only because he hadn’t texted me that day. At first, I was very secure about what we had going on, but as it developed into a situationship rather than a relationship, I became emotional.
The morning after getting belligerently drunk at a gathering at his house (all my fault, I’m still sorry!), I texted him a long apology. Expecting a “you’re fine don’t worry about it” text, I did not hear from him all day. I randomly saw him the day after and apologized in person, and he didn’t seem bothered. But days went by and still, no text. After some time he asked me to get dinner the following week.
One thing about me is that I do not play games! You can ignore me for a day, but I’ll still text back when I can. It’s called being mature. I’ve had enough of the stupid things this generation does when it comes to dating. So, I texted back the same day, but no response to come.
This past weekend I went home, needing a break from school. While reflecting at home, talking to my parents and brother and sleeping in my own bed, I finally realized what was going on — I was getting breadcrumbed.
Simply put, breadcrumbing is a manipulation tactic used to keep people interested in a relationship while giving it their bare minimum.
On my way back to school, I decided I would end things that day. I stopped at my favorite rest stop (Clifton Springs, like the song Silver Springs by Fleetwood Mac) and wrote down what I had wanted to say. Later that night, with the support of my friends, I sent it to him.
And you’ll never believe this! He responded IMMEDIATELY, acting all confused as to why I was doing this.
Oh, I don’t know, maybe because you texted me TWICE all of last week?!
So long to all of his empty promises. All of his empty apologies with no alterations in behaviors. It pains me to say, but I have had enough of this.
Girls and gays, we need to learn when to step the hell up! Stop letting men treat you like garbage and make you feel bad about yourself. And absolutely do NOT let them make you feel like you don’t deserve someone that will make you feel special, because you are!
Self-respect is so in, and delusions are so out. Live in reality, rather than thinking what it could be, because honey, life sucks. Life is just full of disappointments, and you’re only gonna get hurt if you stay with the man who “only sees me once a week because he’s so busy.” No one is that busy! If he wanted to see you, he would!
We are all human beings who deserve to be loved and respected. It is time to stop accepting BS from sharty men and fully realize your great potential for love. There is a man out there who will treat you how you should be treated, so stop settling for less!
Always a pleasure,
Stevie Dicks out!
Stevie Dicks is a third-year student in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences. His fortnightly column Ballads of a Lonely Twink chronicles a young gay man’s search for love.
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