My friend, Karina uttered these words as we chatted about Greek Life and rushing. While it may have been a lighthearted quip, there was a sliver of truth behind her words. She continued by saying, “Women freeze in heels during sorority rush, men are sipping drinks and being celebrated. This double standard isn’t just accepted — it’s everywhere. It’s a world steeped in male dominance and exclusion.”
When I first came to Cornell, all bright eyed and hopeful, experiencing sexism was simply an afterthought. I mean, the school that molded the great Ruth Bader Ginsburg and other women in science, industry and tech would be very forward, right?
Boy was I proven wrong. Through college, I have experienced sexism on our very own campus. It seeps into our own social circles with our own friends and acquaintances. The prevalence of sexism in Cornell can be blatant, however, there is also more implicit sexism that goes undiscussed and is a bleeding reminder in our daily lives.
Firstly, from my own experiences, there is the stereotyped “locker room” talk between boys. Of course, us women talk about boys too in our private spaces, however, those conversations are more so about “look how cute he is,” or “should I text him?” or “what should I say?” They never become disparaging remarks. As a fly on the wall, in many different situations, I’d observe men — whether fraternity brothers or friends, talk about women in a shameful way.
She’s a two.
She’s too fat.
She makes that other girl look like a supermodel..
She’s too friendly with guys.
She’s whorish.
Comments like this are disrespectful and insulting. Whorish. Ascribing an image of sexual promiscuity on a woman is not the place of any man. Why is it that men assume women’s private lives and why is it something to be mocked, insulted, and shown as a reflection of the woman? As Karina put it, “Men often see me for my body, and the attention I receive is loaded with assumptions. Just because men hit on me doesn’t mean I’m involved with every one of them.”
Why is it that being friendly reduces a woman to being considered a “whore?” For years, women have been criticized for every single action — whether it be their appearance via impossible beauty standards or reproductive health. There is no winning.
What comes off as talk between the boys becomes harmful discourse that continues to suggest that women are commodities rather than whole human beings. Even in the non-romantic sense, studies suggest that men often view friendly behavior as “sexual.” This is a dangerous line of thought, because this is the beginnings of what justifies more serious issues, such as sexual assault, harassment or rape.
It is seen in phrases such as:
She was asking for it
She was clearly into me.
Why is friendliness seen as a greenlight for men to think that a woman is suggesting sexual or romantic interest? Many men argue: that is what a heterosexual man thinks — that’s just the way it is. This rings the bell of boys will be boys, but I’d like to add the implicit phrase: and you have to adapt.
Why is a woman’s worth decided by her face, her body, her body-count, who she kissed, who she touched, who she talks to? Why is something like this prevalent in an Ivy League institution — a place founded under the basic principles of equality? Why does society continue to question our worth and motives in spaces where men remain unquestioned? This shows that Cornell, as a community, is failing to live up to its inclusive mission. It is a shame that this type of behavior exists and goes unaddressed in the first Ivy League school that admitted women.
Sexism is just as part of a woman’s life as her menstrual cycle. To be demeaned and insulted, with those insults being passed off as jokes is something that all women have gone through. Whether it be getting objectified as a frat-brother calls you and your friends hot or chopped or to be called whorish for being friendly, it’s a part of life.
These forms of sexism translate to much bigger issues in our political and social landscape, especially when it comes to domestic violence, harassment and workplace inequality. Cornell represents future leaders, philanthropists, doctors, engineers and politicians — so whatever happens now needs to be corrected and addressed. Why should we as women accept these things? Why should men perpetuate and justify it? Many young men often do not understand the implications of their words and actions — seemingly passive comments cut deep into the psyche of women and our community as a whole.
I urge both young Cornell men and women to reflect. Men should start to be more thoughtful and mindful of their words and how they may affect the women around them. Those small steps can lead to a much bigger impact, and honestly, make the lives of women a little easier.
Asfi Tias is a second year student in the College of Arts and Sciences. Her column Thoughts After Midnight focuses on students’ academic and social experiences on Campus with hot takes and political commentary. She can be reached at [email protected].
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