There’s a good chance you mortified someone in your household when the Cornell Daily Sun arrived on your doorstep after your admission. They opened the paper to see “161 Things Every Cornellian Should Do,” and the first item on the list was: “1. Make the library into your bedroom and have sex in the stacks.” While that is arguably the most suggestive task on the list, there are definitely some that are either unachievable or way too accessible.
Being a freshman within my first five months at Cornell, I argue that I can deduce the likeliness of something from this list occurring. With a mix of personal knowledge and some common sense inferences, I will be discussing the outdatedness of the list (considering it was originally created in 2005) and whether it accurately reflects the average Cornellian.
Inevitable Cornellian Moments…
Starting off strong is the top 5 things I believe are bound to happen whether you want them to or not. This will be either from my experience or what I’ve heard but they are almost objectively essential to complete.
- Number thirty-seven is done every semester by a ton of STEM majors, who either regret their decisions later or are oddly proud. This step is “Take a class you think is impossible just for fun,” which is completely unnecessary but, welcome to Cornell.
- I believe that most people learn from their mistakes unless you are completing number forty, “Sleep through your alarm for a 1:25 p.m. class,” because you must have some lack of lesson-learning ability to do this. Albeit, I have done it but that’s relative. Believe it or not, when staying up till 6 a.m., it is very easy to see a 1:25 p.m. class the same as a 9 a.m.
- “Ignore the “No Winter Maintenance” signs … slip and fall down the stairs,” number fifty-nine, is a fair warning and I appreciate the heads-up. I am fully prepared for this to happen, you should be too. Unfortunately, we will all have to drop the ego once Ithaca winter weather gets involved in the mix. If I fall at any point after seeing a “No Winter Maintenance” sign this is my full warning to Cornell Administration that I will be stealing a sign and hanging it in my dorm. Thanks.
- Please do number eighty eight, “Eat a chicken parm sandwich from Louie’s Lunch.” This really might be the only one you have to do. Bonus points if all three of these things occur at the same time: you do it after trekking back to North campus from Collegetown and it’s 2 a.m. and at least one of your friends is lying down on the grass.
- Speaking for my friend who sleeps face down in Uris Cocktail Lounge every other day, number 158 “Take a midnight nap in Uris Library Cocktail Lounge and wake up 3 days later” is highly achievable. If you haven’t slept in a library I’m sorry for you. Let’s see what finals week brings.
Up For Elimination…
These are some that I’d argue time and time again you should not do and can probably be taken off the list for good. Whether they’re boring, a little embarrassing to complete or could instead be replaced with something more fun or entertaining. For anyone who has already done one of these things, sorry.
- To come out swinging number sixteen, is a personal gripe I have so sorry if you have or ever considered “Wear flip-flops to class in January” but I don’t think anyone should be wearing flip-flops ever unless you’re at the pool or beach. If I see anyone in flip-flops in January on campus, I might have to go home for a couple days and reconnect with the real world. Albeit, Long Island might not be that much better for flip-flops.
- Jumping to a stranger challenge on the list, number nineteen encourages Cornellians to stick their hands “inside a fistulated cow.” This is not something I would’ve thought possible before Cornell, so thank you Cornell for making all of the weird stuff achievable. While I can’t say I’ve done this, conversation proves that my pre-vet animal science friend has. She is unfazed by the concept of “a cow that has been surgically fitted with a cannula” in case you needed a more clear definition. Overall, this might be more realistic for animal science students, but for the rest of us? Let’s just say Google Images suffices.
- Then there’s number twenty-five: “Bomb a prelim.” Harsh, but if this isn’t the first thing you check off the list, you’re lying. Unfortunately, number twenty-six: “Ace the next one to save your grade,” feels, for most, overly optimistic. The likelihood of completing both? Low. So, for most, instead of being able to recall achieving “Hit up Fishbowl Wednesdays at Level B,” you can fondly remember bombing the general requirement you would’ve done anything to get out of. This is why it must be removed because regarding number eighty three, on Fishbowl Wednesdays, an anonymous source told the Sun that this is a “freshman canon event,” no further comment was provided. But, if you see any toy animals lying around somebody’s dorm I’d imagine the step has been completed.
- Number 110 is “Fail your swim test, just for kicks,” – I honestly considered doing this for the purposes of this article, but I’m not a terrible swimmer and was reminded by my friend that I would have to take PE 1100: Beginning Swim and that sounds like an absolute nightmare. Unless you’re taking PE 1100, in which case it sounds great. This can be taken off.
- “Go to ClubFest as a first-year and sign up for a dozen clubs that you’ll never go to,” number 151, the first item on the list that was done despite advice I should’ve taken. Whoever you are reading this, probably didn’t take it as well. Because of this I have 5 clubs in my email spamming me every week, and because I don’t clean anything out of my laptop, I have 1,036 emails from my Cornell email that shouldn’t be there. Could live without this one…
Can’t Miss List…
My opinion is that these are some of the easier on the list or entertaining enough to consider completing.
- One that catches my eye is number eight: “Enroll in BIOEE 1540: Introductory Oceanography as a joke, then fall in love with Bruce Monger and attend every class.” While I took Oceanography to fulfill requirements this fall, I would argue that the part about falling in love with Bruce Monger is quite achievable. His passionate lectures about sustainability and life as we know it, combined with his side stories of Cornellian romance, make it believable that love—or at least admiration—could bloom. This one feels timeless and very Cornell.
- Number twenty-three is one that I was originally hesitant about but, thanks to my roommate, I did get to experience and would do every year moving forward. This item is “Attend the Apple Festival on the Commons.” While it is one of the tamer ideas, the Apple Harvest Festival, which occurred on September 27 through 29, was followed by endless food pics for parents and cider stains covering our dorm carpet. Despite the mess, I highly recommend it. This one is doable and well worth the small amount of effort.
- Believe it or not, for a reason that involved being handcuffed to a friend for a game “Go to the sex shop, called the “Adult Outlet,” on the Commons,” number 124, is a step I saw completed but didn’t do myself. Originally this step almost wasn’t achieved considering you can’t see into the store unless you are actually inside but, a second attempt was made. That’s all, sorry, if you can’t see inside until you go in you’re going to have to brave it yourself, no details will be provided.
- I’m sure that I would cry if I could complete number 120, as you all probably would as well because it’s “meet Bill Nye ’77, “The Science Guy,” and give him a hug.” Only note I have about this one is that my mom recently discovered he is a Cornell alum and got really excited, so this one is a generational goal to complete.
- Climb all 161 steps to the top of McGraw Tower.” Considering “the tower is currently an active construction zone, and is closed to the Cornell community and the public” this is a tricky one. But, if you are me you will drag your friend with you to attend a Cornell Chimes Concert and to climb the 161 steps. So, now this has to stay in the 161 spot on the list forever because I didn’t do that for no reason. Thanks.
Now, I would like to stray slightly away from the 161 List and suggest, in my opinion, some reasonable and modern items to be added to the list. Whether they are inevitable, achievable or a pipe-dream these are the things I think are important:
- Spend all 400 of your BRBs before finals week and crash-out because you can’t buy a calzone or caffeine from Nasties.
- Fall-asleep on the slope at 3 a.m. and consider staying there all night.
- Go into the Uris Library Cocktail Lounge after a night out to use the bathroom and see people studying at all hours of the night.
- Get in trouble with an RA during quiet hours for playing the piano.
- Get written up in Mary Donlon Hall and try to talk your way out of it.
- Make a fairly dangerous decision at Second Dam, come out unscathed, and speak about it like you survived the impossible.
- Have a long conversation with a parent trying to explain the definition of a “prelim,” have to re-explain it during Winter Break.
- Get scammed at Temple of Zeus after buying an $11 sandwich.
- Snap somebody you met during Orientation week but never make eye-contact or say hi when you see them in person.
- Come in undecided or semi-decided and end up an Economics major in CAS.
My final note about the list is “160. Attend a Sun meeting,” while not achievable for all, without it this article would not have been written and I wouldn’t be trying to make one of my friends complete “7. Streak across the Arts Quad,” for the purposes of writing about it of course… Hopefully you are now considering the possibilities of the list, and getting out there trying to complete some of the interesting stuff it has to offer. Who knows, you may have already done more of it than you think…To read the list of “161 Things Every Cornellian Should Do” by the Cornell Daily Sun click here. To share your suggestions to change the list fill out this form.
Kaitlyn Bell is a freshman in the School of Industrial and Labor Relations. She can be reached at [email protected].