A vibrant collage featuring Grace, smiling with a cocktail shaker, surrounded by bold text and floral imagery.

Grace Elmore/Sun Columnist

Breaking taboos with confidence (and style): Grace invites you to join the conversation in her bold and empowering column, Sex On Thursday.

January 24, 2025

SEX ON THURSDAY | Why I Talk About Sex

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Hello, World! My name is Grace, and I’m a second-semester senior in Cornell’s College of Arts & Sciences. I study English, Religious Studies and, in my free time, the sexual escapades and dynamics of 20-somethings. My beloved column, Let’s Talk About Sex, was born in August 2022 and I’m so excited to share it with you as my authentic self, ditching the pseudonym that has valiantly guarded me for the last two and a half years.

You may be wondering: why talk about sex? To which I would respond, well you’re reading about it, so… Just kidding. Truth be told, there are tons of reasons why I’ve spent so much of my time at Cornell thinking and writing about sex, and I’ve gotten quite good at justifying this column to friends and family. (I mean, seriously, I had to explain this to my grandma…and my boyfriend’s parents). So now, I invite you to join me on a categorically organized journey to unpack why I talk about sex.

1. Growing Up (in Rural Indiana)

I fear the title of this first explanatory category should speak for itself, but I will elaborate nevertheless. Before moving to Ithaca, I grew up in a very small town in rural Indiana. While this experience taught me how to spit watermelon seeds and play a beautiful game of cornhole—both valuable life skills, no doubt—it did not teach me much about how to exist as a sexual being. Further, I did not grow up in a particularly progressive household when it came to conversations or openness about sex. I don’t hold this against my parents; as the oldest, I get that I was kind of the practice kid – they’d never had to give “the talk” before. Regardless, keeping questions and curiosities bottled up during my childhood definitely led to preacher’s kid syndrome in adulthood. I’ve got a lot of biting my tongue to make up for. All in all, these experiences gave rise to three of the major reasons why I talk about sex…

1a. Education

Allow me to paint you a picture of my 7th (or was it 8th?) grade sexual education experience. The year is either 2015 (or 2016). There are about 2 hours left in the day and my middle school gym reeks of Axe Apollo body spray. Despite this, everyone still smells like body odor. All the girls are taller than the boys, and all the boys are speaking in high-pitched, voice-crack-ridden squeaks. We are separated into gendered groups and the boys disappear with our male swim teacher while my estrogen-baring peers and I are whisked away by our female gym teacher.

I have no idea what the boys discussed, but it was over in <10 minutes and they finished the day with a game of dodgeball. Meanwhile, the girls viewed a narrated PowerPoint that briefly discussed periods, fallopian tubes, eggs, how sex leads to pregnancy and featured an anatomical diagram of a penis which animated how sperm travels up and out of the shaft during “procreation,” at which point we all looked down at our desks and either giggled or turned red with embarrassment. After the video, we were given a blank slip of paper where we could write any questions we may have anonymously, which our teacher then read aloud to the class and did her best to answer without disclosing any advice that may be deemed age-inappropriate.

In all of this, there was no mention of how to use a tampon or a condom, what constitutes consent for someone to see or touch your body, STDs or how to have sex without getting pregnant. (Unless that’s what the boys talked about, but I’m pessimistic). This lack of proper sex education led to a childhood of uninformed or misinformed experiences. [I also recognize that I’m lucky to have had even minimal education. My roommate’s only sex ed was a course called “The Theology of the Body”].

Many adults argue that middle school is too early to teach kids about sex, but failure to do so is dangerous and unfair. I know at least five people who were having sex before high school—cluelessly. Now that I am an adult with access to proper education, information and healthcare when it comes to my body, I believe it is important to share that knowledge with others who may have also lacked productive sex education. Sad as it may seem, there are plenty of sexually active people who don’t understand their partner’s anatomy, and have no idea what having safe sex actually entails, let alone how to have enjoyable sex. So, I talk about sex in order to teach about it, because no one really taught me.

1b. Taboo

The second reason I talk about sex is because lots of people are too embarrassed or scared to. We were definitely not talking about it in rural Indiana and, even now, I’ve found that my peers in adulthood struggle with the topic. Of course, there is talk in the locker room and on girl’s night, but when it comes to serious conversations about intimacy, compatibility and sexuality, most people cower. The best way I know to remove taboo from a subject is to talk about it until it is no longer sensitive or embarrassing, so that’s what I’m trying to do. After all, how can anyone expect to find answers to their questions (or a compatible partner) if we can’t even talk about sex openly?

2. Gap in the Market

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not claiming to have created gay pop. Sex columns have been around, and I hold the legends–Ruth Westheimer, Carrie Bradshaw, Dan Savage, Eli Rallo, etc–in the highest regard. However, there are vacancies in the sex writing market, and I am happy to help fill them. My writing is heavily influenced by my experiences as a cisgender woman who has sex primarily with men—a role I’m happy to play—but I also put quite a bit of effort into making my topics and stories relevant across genders and sexualities, so hopefully there’s something for everyone.

Also, for the record, smut has its place (and there are plenty of smut writers for “Sex on Thursday”), but that’s not what I’m doing here. My column aims to explore questions, start conversations, reduce taboos and share comedic experiences—not to get you off.

3. Entertainment/Comedy

Let’s be real: sexcapades often lead to some pretty funny stories, and I enjoy sharing the comedic moments from myself, my friends and the occasional rando with all of you. These stories lighten the load and help us all  feel a little less self-conscious in the bedroom (or car, or couch, or floor). 

This is surely not an exhaustive list of my motivations for talking about sex, but hopefully I’ve made my case well enough for you to keep reading. Since I was a measly sophomore in college, on alternating Thursdays I’ve used this space to chat about the politics of sex, health and history, relationships, tidbits of advice and comedic anecdotes from my own experiences. This column has already created a diverse set of conversations, and I’m so eager to cultivate a space where that can continue. So, sit back, relax and welcome to Let’s Talk About Sex! I can’t wait to see what you think.

Grace Elmore is a student at Cornell University. Comments can be sent to [email protected]. Grace and her column can be found on Instagram, @graace.elmoree Let’s Talk About Sex runs during alternate Sex on Thursdays this semester.