I wish to start off this article by saying that I do not regret being in a sorority at all, nor do I have anything against my former sorority. It is important to me that I acknowledge that being involved in a sorority was a time in my life that brought me good things: a clean, safe home to live in and friends that I hope I will have for the rest of my life. However, as my time here went on, I felt increasingly distant from this community. My dues had become more expensive, and I was no longer interested in spending my Friday nights in sweaty basements packed wall-to-wall with people –– perhaps my frontal lobe is developing. But, most importantly, I found it difficult to reconcile the deplorable behavior the Greek Life community inherently promotes with my own moral integrity.
Going into college, I couldn't picture myself in a sorority. Not that I had anything against them, but it was difficult to imagine myself wearing matching shirts with a hundred other girls and lining up in front of the house door like I had seen on my Instagram. Admittedly, the scene is less intense here, but I think the influence to join a Greek organization is still rampant. I do not believe any of my friends would have abandoned me had I not joined Greek Life. However, when rush came around, and I was the only one in my friend group not pursuing a new “home,” I felt an urgency to do the thing everyone else seemed to be so excited about.
Recruitment came and went with much anxiety. My friend group remained close, but was reshuffled so that everyone fell into supposed “natural” social stratospheres. I was having fun with my new friends, but in the back of my mind, I was aware that I had been sorted into a house based on a 20-minute conversation, an estimate of how wealthy I was based on my clothing and personal anecdotes and how physically appealing I would be deemed by men in fraternities after recruitment. It was a troubling thought to me then, even as I began to form these wonderful friendships and meet so many new people.
How had I let myself get sucked into this system that a younger version of myself would have despised? How could it have only taken a few months for me to abandon my core values of feminism and inclusion for social acceptance? In the back of my mind, I knew this was not a decision I could take pride in, but I worried if I voiced that concern, I would experience something worse than self-loathing: social isolation.
If the seeds of doubt were, at best, only just beginning to sprout at first, they slowly grew into densely packed weeds last semester. To say the crime committed at the Chi Phi house was sickening would be an understatement. However, what continued to turn my stomach was the lack of meaningful response from my sorority or any Greek Life organization on campus beyond the cancellation of a weekend’s worth of social events. For a community supposedly dedicated to camaraderie and philanthropy, it was jarring to see no public condemnation of the fraternity or the men responsible for what happened. I was especially surprised to see this from my own sorority, whose espoused philanthropy is raising awareness for survivors of domestic abuse and sexual assault.
I was puzzled for many weeks by the lack of response. I urged the leadership in my sorority to say something, thinking I had the opportunity to change the system from within. I would soon learn that my thinking was flawed. I came to understand that in a system where women are sorted into tiers based, at least in part, on their appeal to men, part of that appeal is putting up with egregious conduct and shutting up when acts of violence are committed against them and their peers. The choice to not remain a member of my sorority was a no-brainer to me after this realization –– one I wish I had made my freshman year.
I write this not to shame anyone who remains in the Greek Life community. It would be extremely hypocritical of me to do so, as I was a member just a few months ago. I do write to urge my peers involved in Greek life to reconsider their membership. It might be the case that, like me, you felt pressure to hastily join Greek Life to make friends early on in your college career. It is likely the case that, if you are in a sorority or fraternity, you really love the friends you made as a result of your decision to join your organization. I can guarantee you that if you have made true lifelong friends, they will continue to be your friends, even if you leave your organization. You will still go to parties. You will be happy, you will still meet new people, you will join clubs. I know now that this is true. So, I will leave you with only one question: is being part of this system something you can be proud of? For me, the answer was no. I hope my life after Greek Life serves as an example for those who have chosen the same answer to that question.
Caitlin Gallagher is a junior in the School of Industrial and Labor Relations. She can be reached at cmg323@cornell.edu.
