By Sneha Singhi
I’m sure many of you have heard about Big Red Missed Connections, the popular Instagram account where Cornell students anonymously post about campus crushes or random encounters they’ve had. The account acts as a sort of digital bulletin board to share lighthearted, flirty (sometimes even awkward) stories about people they noticed but didn’t get the chance — or courage — to talk to. Posts often vaguely describe what someone was wearing, what dining hall they were in or something quirky they did. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes sweet and sometimes… a little too much. The goal is to “find” the person being described and, ideally, spark a connection.
At first glance, it seems harmless. Who doesn’t love a little anonymous flattery, right? But scroll through the posts long enough, and you might start feeling like something is off. While many people use the page as a lighthearted outlet, it can also veer into problematic territory. Posts often include vivid, weirdly specific descriptions of certain people, all without their consent. That can easily cross into creepiness and leave the person feeling uncomfortable — or worse, objectified — knowing they're being talked about publicly.
We often think of catcalling as something that happens on city streets: verbal, in-your-face, hard to miss. But Big Red Missed Connections feels like the digital equivalent. Except here, the catcalling isn’t shouted across the street, rather it’s typed out, broadcasted and preserved for all to see. And let’s be honest: some posts are purely unsettling. Lines like “any chance u can mother my kiddos” or “you in the tight black leggings at Appel — pls step on me” aren’t charming. They're weird and, frankly, inappropriate.
There’s also the issue of posts being weirdly specific. Some posts describe not just what someone was wearing, but details about their race, the exact time they were at a certain location, or even what they were eating at the time of being perceived. It blurs the line between harmless admiration and borderline surveillance. At what point does being observant become plain creepy?
The account’s mission might be to connect people, but it raises a bigger question: why not just do this in person? Why rely on anonymously thirsting over someone from afar when, chances are, you’ll see them again considering how small this campus is? If you genuinely like someone, why not try the old-fashioned route and talk to them face-to-face? And, is this something happening across the world or are Cornellians just awkward?
It’s worth pointing out that we’re living in an age with no shortage of ways to meet people: dating apps, social media, friend setups, even good old group projects. While Big Red Missed Connections seems like an attempt to replicate the anonymous, serendipitous charm of these platforms, it ultimately fails at fostering genuine connections in two main respects. Firstly, I’ve never heard of an actual Big Red Missed Connections success story, and secondly, more often than not, the posts come across as creepy instead of Cupid.
So, instead of anonymously posting about your crush on Instagram, why not actually go talk to them? I know that's easier said than done. But it’s not as daunting as it sounds. Here's how to make it happen:
Step 1: Get some confidence.
This is the most important step. Remind yourself that the worst-case scenario is a polite rejection, and even then, no one’s going to judge you. You're not on some Netflix reality dating show. You’re just a normal person, showing interest in another normal person. At a university of over 20,000 people the worst consequence of rejection is a passing glance walking down Feeney Way. Channel your inner Ted Mosby, a character from How I Met Your Mother, who bought a blue french horn for his crush. Maybe don’t go to that extreme, though.
Step 2: Find a natural moment.
You don’t need to engineer a perfect situation. Look for organic opportunities. Maybe you’re both in line at Libe Café, sitting near each other in lecture, or you run into them at a club meeting. A simple “Hey, I’ve seen you around and thought I’d say 'hi'" is often enough to break the ice.
Step 3: Keep it respectful.
Here’s the key: approach them like a person, not a mystery to be solved. Compliment something specific and genuine. Maybe you noticed their cool blue hair or the fact that they are on a unique sports team. Don’t come on too strong. It’s about making a connection, not making them uncomfortable.
Step 4: Accept the outcome.
Not every conversation will lead to a date or a lifelong connection. That’s okay. At least you had the guts to give it a shot in person, rather than anonymously idealizing them behind a screen. And even if nothing comes of it, you’ll feel better knowing you tried.
Big Red Missed Connections might seem like harmless fun, and sometimes it is. Everyone enjoys a little campus gossip, and who doesn’t want to feel admired once in a while? But it’s worth questioning: does this kind of anonymous attention actually help foster real connections or does it just normalize objectifying others under the guise of lightheartedness?
In a world saturated with social media and carefully curated versions of reality, it’s easy to fall into the trap of watching people from afar and assuming you need an app or anonymous platform to connect. But there’s something refreshing, even rare, about the old-school approach of simply starting a conversation.
So next time you catch yourself typing out a detailed description of the person you spotted at Trillium, maybe hit pause. Take a breath. And consider saying "hi" in person. Your campus crush doesn’t have to stay a missed connection.
Sneha Singhi is a junior in the College of Arts and Sciences. She can be reached at ss3298@cornell.edu.
