We all know about the infamous 161 Things Every Cornellian Should Do list. Well, let me add another bucket list for you Cornellians to try and complete. As a believer in sexual liberation and someone devoted to the ‘try everything once’ philosophy, stepping out of your comfort zone and into a different bedroom can be fun — and may lead to an interesting story to tell your friends. While I cannot confirm nor deny which items I have personal experience in, know that my expertise and research have helped me craft a diverse list ranging in freakiness. Above all, just have fun, be safe and make sure everything is consensual.
1. Send a Google Calendar invite for a date or hookup
Even in our horniest times, we are all still overworked students in an Ivy League institution. Stick to your roots and schedule a cheeky sneaky link in between your coffee chats and classes. Bonus points if it’s during prelim season.
2. Prelim ‘studying’ with a partner
Ditch the Pomodoro method and have your partner tease you into an A+. If you get a question right, they continue to fulfill your pleasure into completion; if you miss one, your partner stops just long enough to make sure that you won’t make the same mistake again before the exam.
3. Sex in the Olin Library stacks
You knew it was coming. This list wouldn’t be complete without the classic Cornell tradition, and for good reason. It’s thrilling, intimate and the challenge of keeping quiet can be harder than your prelims. Just don’t get caught, because a disciplinary infraction isn’t exactly attractive on a LinkedIn profile.
4. Have an orgasm on antidepressants
Given Ithaca’s unfortunate reputation, many Cornellians are on some variation of the drug — whether it be Prozac, Zoloft or Lexapro. Being diagnosed may be the easy part, but be warned: only the mightiest and most skilled soldiers can cross this off their list, as these medications alter dopamine and noradrenaline — neurotransmitters necessary for libido and arousal — causing sexual dysfunction. It will be difficult, but with the right partner, not impossible.
5. Make out in a study room
It’s hard to find a location to engage in sexual activities when so many students have roommates, so campus libraries’ private conference rooms make for a great place to use for those seeking discretion. But for the sake of the fellow library patrons, keep the coitus to a minimum. Nobody wants to walk into their reserved room with a used condom near the whiteboard and the smell of post-sex stench lingering.
6. Investigate an athlete’s stamina off the field
Our institution is home to many of the nation's most skilled athletes, with brains and brawn alike. Let’s see how the fittest members of our campus fare in another kind of exercise.
7. Flirt with your TA
Flirting with your professor is on the original list, but we all know that in some classes, your TA is actually in charge of your grade, and these fellow students may actually be a little more approachable. Turn the staring during lectures into a semi-flirty office hours meeting and hope that your confusion leaves an attractive impression — one that opens the door to a different kind of meeting next semester, when it’s not against Cornell policy.
8. Use dining hall ice cream in foreplay
Forget the Texas Roadhouse butter. Lick some Ezra’s Morning Cup off your partner.
9. Fall off the Twin XL bed during sex
These dorm beds can barely fit one person, let alone the various positions that two people can do during sex. Sex failures are hit or miss, but with the right person, they can turn into a hilarious memory — at worst, maybe a minor concussion.
10. Sext during a lecture
I’ll admit that whenever I’m bored in class, I start daydreaming about my previous sexcapades to drown out my professor's dull voice. But why not take that energy a step further? Explicit texts are a fun way to create intimacy and anticipation for your next meetup, and they may be a more productive use of your lecture time. My general tips are simple: Be creative, be detailed and leave them desperately wanting you. Keep your phone hidden — your neighbors don’t need to catch you red-handed typing about putting your hands somewhere else.
Whether you got a laugh from this list or mentally bookmarked an activity to try, I leave you with one final recommendation: Do it for the plot and laugh about it later. We’re only in college once, so do it before your soul — and libido — gets stolen by J.P. Morgan or Microsoft.
Rosa Toi is a freshman at Cornell dedicated to exploring freedom in sexual liberation and doing it for the plot. File a complaint or send a compliment at rtoi@cornellsun.com
